7:00 P.M. Opening flag burning.
7:15 P.M. Pledge of Allegiance to the United Nations.
7:30 PM. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
7:30 till 8:00 P.M. Nonreligious prayer and worship: Jessie Jackson and Al Sharpton.
8:00 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
8:05 P.M Ceremonial tree hugging.
8:15- 8:30 P.M. Gay Wedding: Barney Frank, presiding.
8:30 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
8:35 P.M. Free Saddam Rally: Cindy Sheehan, Susan Sarandon.
9:00 P.M. Keynote speech: "The Proper Etiquette for Surrender",French President Jacques Chirac.
9:15 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
9:20 P.M. Collection to benefit Osama Bin Laden Kidney Transplant Fund.
9:30 P.M. Unveiling of plan to free freedom fighters from Guantanamo Bay: Sean Penn.
9:40 P.M. Why I hate the Military: A short talk by William Jefferson Clinton.
9:45 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
9:50 P.M. Dan Rather receives "Truth in Broadcasting" award, presented by Michael Moore.
9:55 P.M., Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
10:00 P.M. Presentation: "How George Bush and Donald Rumsfeld brought down the World Trade Center Towers", by Howard Dean.
10:30 P.M. Nomination of Hillary Rodham Clinton for President by Mahmud Ahnadinejad.
11:00 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
11:05 P.M. Al Gore reinvents the Internet.
11:15 P.M. "Our Troops are War Criminals", presented by John Kerry.
11:30 P.M Coronation of Mrs. Hillary Rodham Clinton.
12:00 AM. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
12:05 A.M Bill asks Ted to drive Hillary home.
Wednesday, November 08, 2006
Friday, October 20, 2006
Me and my Homies
Dis is me and my homies
And dis is how we rides
Me in shades, looking Ghetto
Surrounded by tough squinty eyes
We’re crazy Loc Koreans
Aint no other Asians badder
And not having any food for 4 years
Has only made us Madder
I’m the absolute leader of North Korea
And my citizens think I’m holy
Now that we blew up a nuclear Bomb
The American Media will HAVE to forget about Mark Foley!
I’ll bitchslap Japan, I’ll jack South Korea
I’ll hit Thailand so hard
She’ll sneeze diahhrea
So listen up Ya’ll and hear what I’m saying
Cause my hungry crazy ass aint even playing
I want McDoanlds, Taco Bell, Burger Kings and no hassle
I’ll take Denny’s and Arbys and even a sh!tty White Castle
You all are gonna be in a whole lot of trouble
Unless I gets my Big Macs delivered here on the double
I want crumb cakes and peanuts and Hostess Ho Hos
Build me a 500 galloon maple syrup tank and I’ll suck it all through a hose
People aint thinking I’m Lincoln
when there aint no water to be drinking
People aint kissing my ass
when they’re forced to eat grass
So listen up bitches, you didn’t figure
On this crazy ass asian nigga
with his finga on da trigga
Send us some food or send a whole diner
Or we’ll do a driveby on Seoul, Tokyo or China!
Monday, April 10, 2006
Ignorant Intruders
Pico look up message from past leader, Pico find following:
"In the first place, we should insist that if the immigrant who comes here in good faith becomes an American and assimilates himself to us, He shall be treated on an exact equality with everyone else, for it is an outrage to discriminate against any such man because of creed, or birthplace, or origin. But this is predicated upon the person's Becoming in every facet an American, and nothing but an American...There can be no divided allegiance here. Any man who says he is an American, but something else also, isn't an American at all. We have room for but one flag, the American flag... We have room for but one language here, and that is the English language ... and we have room for but one sole loyalty and that is a loyalty to the American people."
Theodore Roosevelt 1907
"In the first place, we should insist that if the immigrant who comes here in good faith becomes an American and assimilates himself to us, He shall be treated on an exact equality with everyone else, for it is an outrage to discriminate against any such man because of creed, or birthplace, or origin. But this is predicated upon the person's Becoming in every facet an American, and nothing but an American...There can be no divided allegiance here. Any man who says he is an American, but something else also, isn't an American at all. We have room for but one flag, the American flag... We have room for but one language here, and that is the English language ... and we have room for but one sole loyalty and that is a loyalty to the American people."
Theodore Roosevelt 1907
Wednesday, February 08, 2006
Three More Die in Cartoon Protests!
The Story:
Muslim protests against cartoons depicting the Prophet Mohammad claimed three more lives on Wednesday when Afghan police fired at a crowd trying to storm a U.S. military base. - Source
What other cartoons may make the Muslim Extremist protest?
Let's take a look
Muslim protests against cartoons depicting the Prophet Mohammad claimed three more lives on Wednesday when Afghan police fired at a crowd trying to storm a U.S. military base. - Source
What other cartoons may make the Muslim Extremist protest?
Let's take a look
- The Terrorists are protesting against Bug Bunny when he dresses up like a woman, "He's not a real woman, he's merely a man pretending to be woman and his contant trickery of the duck is a crime against all that is holy!!
- The Terrorists are protesting against Stone Age men who allow their women to walk about without making them wear at least a piece of shale to cover their face is an insult to their people and their religion.
- The Terrorists are all up in arms that Jane should have been sacrificing her expendable life to stop that crazy thing!
- The Terrorists are P.O'd that in over 1000 SuperFriends episodes, The lazy Wonder Twins never adapted to the powers of a goat.
- 10,000 Terrorists Agree, Hadji needs more face time in Johnny Quest!
- Terrorists threaten to kidnap Barbara Walters and muss up her makeup unless the three girls in Josie and the pussycats wear more clothing.
- Terrorists demand that Lucy finally let Charlie brown kick the football.
- Terrorists are extremely upset with the Roadrunner and ACME Corporation, demand restitution for coyote.
- Terrorists demand that Barney Rubble gets his own spin-off show. Maybe a variety show like Sonny and Cher. In a worst case he at least gets to host Letterman.
- The terrorists are trying to recruit Quick Draw McGraw to take the place of the #2 man.
- Finally, 100,000 Terrorists agree, American cartoons need more camels.
Democrats Dis Bush at Some Ladys Funeral
Democrats and Angry Black Leaders froth at mouth and trip over one another to Dis Bush at somebody's funeral
Democrat officials and Angry Black Non elected leaders both got a much needed boost yesterday when they found that George W. Bush had wandered into the very same funeral they were attending.
Rev. Joseph Lowery started the impromptu roast during a eulogy for some dead lady. He made comments about the President failing to find weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. Rev. Lowry also berated First Lady Laura Bush for "coming to a funeral looking all fat and dumpy." This accusation made the heavily Democratic audience rise to its feet in applause for almost 2 minutes.
Ex President Carter also made several pointed remarks toward President Bush during his eulogy. "I believe that this dead lady who was married to someone famous would still be here if George Bush was not the President. In fact, I believe that George Bush is responsible for her death. He probably killed her in the kitchen with the candle stick!" With this comment, a large percentage of the audience began to visibly foam at the mouth and emit low moans.
Not to be outdone, Rev. Joseph Lower returned to the stage and said that Hurricane Katrina was a "Negro Seeking Hurricane created in the Gulf of Mexico by the CIA and released to decimate the nearest Chocolate city!"
Al Gore tried to stay focused on the funeral but he couldn’t resist the temptation to slam the President. The Tsunami, Global Warming, Hurricane Katrina, Hurricane Rita, the Dead Coal Miners, the Indianapolis Colts loss in the playoffs to Pittsburgh because of that weird botched field goal were all caused by this man! Because of him, I don't have a job anymore. Now, I sit at home and watch Jerry Springer. It's because of George Bush that I've become addicted to Cheetos and internet porn!
Bill Clinton was philosophical about the anti bush comments. "In a way, it's a form of flattery. Right now, George Bush is the most important person in the Democratic Party. Our entire platform is being opposite of whatever George Bush wants. If he's pro war, we're anti war. It's he's pro reform, we're anti reform. If he likes Diet Coke, we like Diet Pepsi. If he doesn't sleep with Presidential interns, we go out and sleep with... Hahaha! just kidding! But beating on George Bush is the one thing all members of the Democratic party agree on. It brings us together. I feel for the Democratic party the day we no longer have Bush to kick around." Clinton then bit his lower lip and left the stage.
Democrat officials and Angry Black Non elected leaders both got a much needed boost yesterday when they found that George W. Bush had wandered into the very same funeral they were attending.
Rev. Joseph Lowery started the impromptu roast during a eulogy for some dead lady. He made comments about the President failing to find weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. Rev. Lowry also berated First Lady Laura Bush for "coming to a funeral looking all fat and dumpy." This accusation made the heavily Democratic audience rise to its feet in applause for almost 2 minutes.
Ex President Carter also made several pointed remarks toward President Bush during his eulogy. "I believe that this dead lady who was married to someone famous would still be here if George Bush was not the President. In fact, I believe that George Bush is responsible for her death. He probably killed her in the kitchen with the candle stick!" With this comment, a large percentage of the audience began to visibly foam at the mouth and emit low moans.
Not to be outdone, Rev. Joseph Lower returned to the stage and said that Hurricane Katrina was a "Negro Seeking Hurricane created in the Gulf of Mexico by the CIA and released to decimate the nearest Chocolate city!"
Al Gore tried to stay focused on the funeral but he couldn’t resist the temptation to slam the President. The Tsunami, Global Warming, Hurricane Katrina, Hurricane Rita, the Dead Coal Miners, the Indianapolis Colts loss in the playoffs to Pittsburgh because of that weird botched field goal were all caused by this man! Because of him, I don't have a job anymore. Now, I sit at home and watch Jerry Springer. It's because of George Bush that I've become addicted to Cheetos and internet porn!
Bill Clinton was philosophical about the anti bush comments. "In a way, it's a form of flattery. Right now, George Bush is the most important person in the Democratic Party. Our entire platform is being opposite of whatever George Bush wants. If he's pro war, we're anti war. It's he's pro reform, we're anti reform. If he likes Diet Coke, we like Diet Pepsi. If he doesn't sleep with Presidential interns, we go out and sleep with... Hahaha! just kidding! But beating on George Bush is the one thing all members of the Democratic party agree on. It brings us together. I feel for the Democratic party the day we no longer have Bush to kick around." Clinton then bit his lower lip and left the stage.
Tuesday, January 24, 2006
Senator Kennedy Bashes President Bush for Outsourcing Torture.
Senator Kennedy took to the Senate floor and unleashed a blistering speech accusing the Bush Administration of sending American jobs overseas by outsourcing the torturing of foreign terrorists.
“It has become obvious to me that this Republican administration does not care about American jobs. “ Why are we sending our captured terrorists to be tortured to India or Mexico when they could be torutred by Americans? We need to keep American jobs in America.”
White House spokesman, Scott McClellen explained the Bush administrations reasons for outsourcing torture. “it’s a simple matter of economics. Having Indians and Mexicans torture terrorists just makes good economic sense. These people work much cheaper than American torturers and their countries have a long and distinguished background in political torturing.
When asked if he thought foreign torturers were as good as American torturers he responded, “They are in the same league. But the fact of the matter is you can get an Indian torturer to work much more cheaply. This is partially because of the economies of scale the fact that American torturers must be in a union. Foreign torturers work more cheaply. They do not require Health insurance or pension plans. We did an cost analysis pitting American torturers versus the torturers from other countries. It costs the United States over 15, 000 dollars per suspect when you use American labor. In India, it costs 3 biscuits and a quart of dirty drinking water. You just can’t fight those numbers. Mexican torturers work just as cheaply, plus they can pick celery during the off-season.”
Senator Kennedy did not accept this reasoning. “Every day, I see Americans out of work and I wonder to myself, how many of those people have been trained by our government to torture people? Why can’t we give our American torturers the chance that they deserve? This country was built upon the sweat of American torturers and I do not want to see this fine tradition end just so George Bush can save a few dollars when he electrocutes an Arab.”
Scott McClellan is philosophical about the change. “People like Senator Kennedy can’t have it both ways. They want us to keep the country safe and yet they want us to reduce the deficit and be more aware of government spending. I’d love to give the torturing responsibilities back to American workers, but we stand to save millions by having our Mexican and Hindu allies beat the truth out of terrorists.”
“It has become obvious to me that this Republican administration does not care about American jobs. “ Why are we sending our captured terrorists to be tortured to India or Mexico when they could be torutred by Americans? We need to keep American jobs in America.”
White House spokesman, Scott McClellen explained the Bush administrations reasons for outsourcing torture. “it’s a simple matter of economics. Having Indians and Mexicans torture terrorists just makes good economic sense. These people work much cheaper than American torturers and their countries have a long and distinguished background in political torturing.
When asked if he thought foreign torturers were as good as American torturers he responded, “They are in the same league. But the fact of the matter is you can get an Indian torturer to work much more cheaply. This is partially because of the economies of scale the fact that American torturers must be in a union. Foreign torturers work more cheaply. They do not require Health insurance or pension plans. We did an cost analysis pitting American torturers versus the torturers from other countries. It costs the United States over 15, 000 dollars per suspect when you use American labor. In India, it costs 3 biscuits and a quart of dirty drinking water. You just can’t fight those numbers. Mexican torturers work just as cheaply, plus they can pick celery during the off-season.”
Senator Kennedy did not accept this reasoning. “Every day, I see Americans out of work and I wonder to myself, how many of those people have been trained by our government to torture people? Why can’t we give our American torturers the chance that they deserve? This country was built upon the sweat of American torturers and I do not want to see this fine tradition end just so George Bush can save a few dollars when he electrocutes an Arab.”
Scott McClellan is philosophical about the change. “People like Senator Kennedy can’t have it both ways. They want us to keep the country safe and yet they want us to reduce the deficit and be more aware of government spending. I’d love to give the torturing responsibilities back to American workers, but we stand to save millions by having our Mexican and Hindu allies beat the truth out of terrorists.”
Monday, January 23, 2006
Thank God the West Wing is over!
Thank God that the reign of Terror from that putrid, Pinko, Limousine Liberal, brainwashing balderdash that was The West Wing is now finished! I haven’t felt such relief since they caught Son of Sam.
The truth is, as much as I hate idiots like Michael Moore and Al Sharpton, the damage they do is minimal. Besides, they are such obvious hucksters they serve as great punch lines. We all love to make fun of them. But the damage a show like West Wing does is FAR worse than anything Barbra or Alec could ever do. Not even Jimmy Carter with a head full of Ritalin could do this much damage.
The horrible damage caused by The West Wing was how it portrays the world. The world of West Wing is the world of Left wing idealists. It is a world where most Americans are victims who need to be coddled. It’s a world where foreign governments act rationally and most of the worlds ills can be solved by more American Foreign Aid. It’s a world where anyone not on the East Coast or West Coast is a white trash dullard who cares more about The Dukes of Hazzard than the moralistic imperative of Gay Marriage.
Television is a funny thing. If you run a TV series where the husband and wife sleep in separate beds, pretty soon, Americans start thinking that is the norm. TV plays a huge role in shaping and defining modern culture. The West Wing was created to portray Democratic leaders as intellectual Supermen, as sensitive as grief councilors and as morally just as the Knights of Camelot. Republican politicians are portrayed as sniveling, racist, rich and uncaring White Men. It is so obvious that it has a cartoonish quality. If the writers thought they could get away with having the Democrats wear white cowboy hats and the Republicans wear Black cowboys hats, you can bet your ACLU card they would have.
The West Wing was a thinly veiled attempt to influence public opinion that the ideals of the Democrats were more sound than those of the Republicans. They created a world which was meant to closely resemble today’s political atmosphere, except in the stilted, biased view of the writers, the Democrats almost always won. And their lofty ideals always triumphed. It is a 21st century version of Popeye beating up Buck Toothed and slanty eyed Japs in World War II cartoons. It is trying to influence how you think about world events. In a way, it is 21st Century propaganda. Now, the Arts have been trying to influence politics for generations from Thomas Paine’s ‘Common Sense’ to Erasumus’ In Praise of Folly;
But the difference here is that the writers of West Wing are infringing on traditionally non political turf. We expect to try to be influenced when we read a newspaper or magazine. We accept that certain media trying to persuade us to adopt their point of view. Would anyone deny The New York Times is Liberal? Would anyone deny that FoxNews is more conservative than CNN?
The West Wing is using Entertainment to influence public opinion and to push its watchers to a certain political point of view.
“Well, you know, I have a luxury that news outlets don't. I can tell stories, and it's more difficult for them to tell a story.” “A news organization has a much different responsibility. I might not be telling you the whole story. I might not be telling you a story in a manner that is properly sophisticated. “ - Aaron Sorkin, mushroom eating Political Genius, equating his fiction with the realities of newsgathering.
My big problem with the West Wing is that television writers, drunk with the power of TVs ability to influence and teach, are putting themselves in the position of elected officials and investigative reporters. Political figures make big decisions and have to live with the consequences of their actions. Reporters have to provide evidence to back up their claims. The politicians of the West Wing do not have these real world encumberments.
They believe their entertaining stories and biased little teleplays can enlighten you to their way of thinking and thereby solve all of America’s problems. It’s as if the dolts of America can’t be relied upon to accept their progressive and intellectually sound ideals so we have to spoon feed them a story to get them to come around.
What arrogance! There are times I have quite an ego, but never in my life have I thought I had the only, best and most truly righteous solution to a problem. The writers of West Wing attack create story lines that closely recreate current American politics and then they solve these problems, effortlessly, and with no negative repercussions, by using their tried and true Democratic ideals. It’s the smug certainty of these writers and their self assured zeal that baffles me. Is anyone so frequently correct in their thinking that they can strut around with such smugness? Even FDR and yes, even Reagan made mistakes. How anyone could be so certain about anything in politics is unfathomable. The best and brightest football handicappers are only right about 70% of the time, and politics is much more complex than football. Unfortunately.
The West Wing was a network supported weekly 60 minute love letter for the Democratic party. It was almost as bad as NPR, except NPR is actually TAX PAYER financed Leftist propaganda and the West Wing was for free. Thank God this show was cancelled. Now, if only Commander in Chief, you know, the This-is-what-would-happen-if-you-elected-that-Democratic-Messiah-known-as-Hilary-Clinton” TV show were cancelled too! - Eep Eep!
The truth is, as much as I hate idiots like Michael Moore and Al Sharpton, the damage they do is minimal. Besides, they are such obvious hucksters they serve as great punch lines. We all love to make fun of them. But the damage a show like West Wing does is FAR worse than anything Barbra or Alec could ever do. Not even Jimmy Carter with a head full of Ritalin could do this much damage.
The horrible damage caused by The West Wing was how it portrays the world. The world of West Wing is the world of Left wing idealists. It is a world where most Americans are victims who need to be coddled. It’s a world where foreign governments act rationally and most of the worlds ills can be solved by more American Foreign Aid. It’s a world where anyone not on the East Coast or West Coast is a white trash dullard who cares more about The Dukes of Hazzard than the moralistic imperative of Gay Marriage.
Television is a funny thing. If you run a TV series where the husband and wife sleep in separate beds, pretty soon, Americans start thinking that is the norm. TV plays a huge role in shaping and defining modern culture. The West Wing was created to portray Democratic leaders as intellectual Supermen, as sensitive as grief councilors and as morally just as the Knights of Camelot. Republican politicians are portrayed as sniveling, racist, rich and uncaring White Men. It is so obvious that it has a cartoonish quality. If the writers thought they could get away with having the Democrats wear white cowboy hats and the Republicans wear Black cowboys hats, you can bet your ACLU card they would have.
The West Wing was a thinly veiled attempt to influence public opinion that the ideals of the Democrats were more sound than those of the Republicans. They created a world which was meant to closely resemble today’s political atmosphere, except in the stilted, biased view of the writers, the Democrats almost always won. And their lofty ideals always triumphed. It is a 21st century version of Popeye beating up Buck Toothed and slanty eyed Japs in World War II cartoons. It is trying to influence how you think about world events. In a way, it is 21st Century propaganda. Now, the Arts have been trying to influence politics for generations from Thomas Paine’s ‘Common Sense’ to Erasumus’ In Praise of Folly;
But the difference here is that the writers of West Wing are infringing on traditionally non political turf. We expect to try to be influenced when we read a newspaper or magazine. We accept that certain media trying to persuade us to adopt their point of view. Would anyone deny The New York Times is Liberal? Would anyone deny that FoxNews is more conservative than CNN?
The West Wing is using Entertainment to influence public opinion and to push its watchers to a certain political point of view.
“Well, you know, I have a luxury that news outlets don't. I can tell stories, and it's more difficult for them to tell a story.” “A news organization has a much different responsibility. I might not be telling you the whole story. I might not be telling you a story in a manner that is properly sophisticated. “ - Aaron Sorkin, mushroom eating Political Genius, equating his fiction with the realities of newsgathering.
My big problem with the West Wing is that television writers, drunk with the power of TVs ability to influence and teach, are putting themselves in the position of elected officials and investigative reporters. Political figures make big decisions and have to live with the consequences of their actions. Reporters have to provide evidence to back up their claims. The politicians of the West Wing do not have these real world encumberments.
They believe their entertaining stories and biased little teleplays can enlighten you to their way of thinking and thereby solve all of America’s problems. It’s as if the dolts of America can’t be relied upon to accept their progressive and intellectually sound ideals so we have to spoon feed them a story to get them to come around.
What arrogance! There are times I have quite an ego, but never in my life have I thought I had the only, best and most truly righteous solution to a problem. The writers of West Wing attack create story lines that closely recreate current American politics and then they solve these problems, effortlessly, and with no negative repercussions, by using their tried and true Democratic ideals. It’s the smug certainty of these writers and their self assured zeal that baffles me. Is anyone so frequently correct in their thinking that they can strut around with such smugness? Even FDR and yes, even Reagan made mistakes. How anyone could be so certain about anything in politics is unfathomable. The best and brightest football handicappers are only right about 70% of the time, and politics is much more complex than football. Unfortunately.
The West Wing was a network supported weekly 60 minute love letter for the Democratic party. It was almost as bad as NPR, except NPR is actually TAX PAYER financed Leftist propaganda and the West Wing was for free. Thank God this show was cancelled. Now, if only Commander in Chief, you know, the This-is-what-would-happen-if-you-elected-that-Democratic-Messiah-known-as-Hilary-Clinton” TV show were cancelled too! - Eep Eep!
Wednesday, January 04, 2006
Democratic Strategy Session for 1/4/06
Pico hide at Democratic headquarters, hear discussions today.. this what they say.. eeep eep..
The Mineshaft Tragedy of West Virginia:
How Can We Blame This on President Bush?
Moderator: Good evening and welcome to this weeks edition of Democrat Political Discussion. Tonights focus will be on the horrible mining accident in West Virginia which has claimed the lives of 12 people. What we will discuss is how we know it was somehow caused by the Bush Administration or what I refer to as, the ‘Black Plague Administration’.
Rather: I’ve always liked that one.
Alec: Yes, it’s appropriate. The Black Plague wiped out 75 million people during the Middle Ages. Bush is doing that during these ages.
Moderator: Well put, Alec. So we know the story. There were 13 miners trapped underground. We found out one of them had died, but then, family members were told that the remaining 12 were found alive. As it turns out, this was a tragic miscommunication and only one miner had survived. So I put it to our panelists. We all know Bush is behind this. So the question is How? How did Bush cause the mining accident? Let’s start off with rabid Bush Hater producer of the historic and falsified Bush National Guard records, Mary Mapes.
Mapes: This is an easy one. Bush caused this by his reckless energy policy. Our instatiable energy needs plus our overdependence on fossil fuels like coal forced these men down into the mining shafts. It was only a matter of time before this happened. In fact, I have this document which shows Bush was directly involved…
Moderator: Thank you, Mary. Please hold off on any documents for now, OK? How about Democrtaic Political Discussion regular Alec Baldwin. Alec, how did George W. Bush cause this tragedy to happen.
Alec: Well, I believe Bush was intimately involved with several parts of this tragedy. Firstly, Mary is right, his energy policy is forcing men to mine coal. But I also believe he made a phony phone call to the Mine Forman telling them all of the miners were safe.
Moderator: That seems especially cruel. Why would he do that?
Alec: Because West Virginia is a Blue State and he wants to embarrass the democratics in charge. Just like he did with the Democrat governor of New Orleans.
Moderator: You mean, Lousianna?
Alec: Yes. Bush caused the problem and then gets in the way to make the democrats look foolish and ineffective.
Moderator: Wait a minute, Alec. West Virginia is a Red state. They voted for Bush.
Alec: Shut up, you racist! So, are you working for the Bush Family now? How much are they paying you? I’ll bet they’re paying you in coal!
Moderator: Well get Back to Alec in a minute. Dan Rather, you’ve been an under-the-radar Bush critic for years now.
Rather: That’s not necessarily true. I mean, it’s not obviously truth, is it? I’m just a simple man from Texas who wants fiscal responsibility, clean water and strong military. I don’t hate George W. Bush anymore than I hate, say Hitler or King Kong.
Moderator: Fair enough. But how do you think Bush caused this mineshaft tragedy.
Rather: Firstly, let’s not call it a mineshaft tragedy, as it may offend gay men. Let’s call it Bush Coal Collapse 2006. Secondly, I think it’s fairly certain that Bush had Dick Chaney placed TNT at strategic places in the mine. Then, he himself pushed the Acme dynamite plunger, like a New Age Coyote bent on destroying more than just Road Runners.
Moderator: But why would Bush do this?
Rather: To divert attention from his legal woes and the faltering war in Iraq. Bill Clinton did something similar during MonicaGate.
Alec: STOP!
Barbra: Oh My God!
Mapes: No! No, My EARS!
Moderator: Stop! Mr. Rather, you have a distinguished career as a Bush Hater, that no one can deny. But you have violated one of the most sacred rules here on Democrat Political Discussion. You have said a non positive thing abouty Bill Clinton!
Barbra: And you mentioned him in the same sentence as Bush! Whattayou? The Anti Christ.
Moderator: Barbera, please refrain from an references to God.
Barbra: Oh, sorry. He just made me lose it there.
Moderator: How about you, Barbra. You’ve always been a vocal Bush Critic. How did Bush cause this tragedy to occur?
Barbra: Before I make a comment, I have to clean the air and purify the chakras which were polluted when Dan Rather made a questionable remark about Bill Clinton. Please excuse for for a second.
(BARBRA STANDS UP, CLASPS HER HANDS TOGETHER AND STARTS CHANTING)
Mmmmm. Bill Clinton….. Mmmmm… Clinton…. Mmmmm Bill Clinton….. Mmmm Clean Clinton… Mmmmm…..
(SHE SITS DOWN)
Barbra: Ok. Bush… (GETTING ANGRIER) Bush!!! Bush!!!
(STARTS HYPERVENTILATING)
Moderator: Calm down, Barbra. We don’t want you having another fit. Why not inhale from your puffer?
(INAHLES, TAKES A DEEP BREATH AND RELAXES SLOWLY)
Barbra: Ok. Bush did this because it was an evil thing and that’s all Bush can do. If Bush had his way, all of the miners would have been killed. And they would have been killed senselessly, fighting in this war for oil. You know, maybe they did die in Iraq and Bush created this whole media event to hide their bodies. Maybe he is looking for ways to hide the great number of people dying in Iraq.
Alec: That’s Brilliant! You mean, these 13 men were soldiers who died fighting the heroic Iraqi Freedom Fighters and then he had them flown to the mine and then Dick Chaney blew it up.
Rather: Yes! That would be a great way for him to make it look like no one is dying from this horrible war.
Barbra: I’ll bet right now, he’s taking dead soldiers, dressing them up as civilians and placing them into car accidents. That way, no one would know how many hundreds of thousands of soldiers are dying!
Moderator: Hold on a minute. Most of the dead miners were too old to be in the military.
Barbra: That’s what they want us to believe. Christ man, can’t you see it?
Alec: They have gotten to you too, haven’t they? You friggin Homophobe!
Moderator: Homophobe?! We’re not even talking about gay men here.
Mapes: And that’s they way you like it, too. Isn’t it, you Gay Hating, SUV driving, Ralph Nader supporter!
Pico hide well to listen but make eep eep sound, almost get caught, Pico had to run aways... eep eep
The Mineshaft Tragedy of West Virginia:
How Can We Blame This on President Bush?
Moderator: Good evening and welcome to this weeks edition of Democrat Political Discussion. Tonights focus will be on the horrible mining accident in West Virginia which has claimed the lives of 12 people. What we will discuss is how we know it was somehow caused by the Bush Administration or what I refer to as, the ‘Black Plague Administration’.
Rather: I’ve always liked that one.
Alec: Yes, it’s appropriate. The Black Plague wiped out 75 million people during the Middle Ages. Bush is doing that during these ages.
Moderator: Well put, Alec. So we know the story. There were 13 miners trapped underground. We found out one of them had died, but then, family members were told that the remaining 12 were found alive. As it turns out, this was a tragic miscommunication and only one miner had survived. So I put it to our panelists. We all know Bush is behind this. So the question is How? How did Bush cause the mining accident? Let’s start off with rabid Bush Hater producer of the historic and falsified Bush National Guard records, Mary Mapes.
Mapes: This is an easy one. Bush caused this by his reckless energy policy. Our instatiable energy needs plus our overdependence on fossil fuels like coal forced these men down into the mining shafts. It was only a matter of time before this happened. In fact, I have this document which shows Bush was directly involved…
Moderator: Thank you, Mary. Please hold off on any documents for now, OK? How about Democrtaic Political Discussion regular Alec Baldwin. Alec, how did George W. Bush cause this tragedy to happen.
Alec: Well, I believe Bush was intimately involved with several parts of this tragedy. Firstly, Mary is right, his energy policy is forcing men to mine coal. But I also believe he made a phony phone call to the Mine Forman telling them all of the miners were safe.
Moderator: That seems especially cruel. Why would he do that?
Alec: Because West Virginia is a Blue State and he wants to embarrass the democratics in charge. Just like he did with the Democrat governor of New Orleans.
Moderator: You mean, Lousianna?
Alec: Yes. Bush caused the problem and then gets in the way to make the democrats look foolish and ineffective.
Moderator: Wait a minute, Alec. West Virginia is a Red state. They voted for Bush.
Alec: Shut up, you racist! So, are you working for the Bush Family now? How much are they paying you? I’ll bet they’re paying you in coal!
Moderator: Well get Back to Alec in a minute. Dan Rather, you’ve been an under-the-radar Bush critic for years now.
Rather: That’s not necessarily true. I mean, it’s not obviously truth, is it? I’m just a simple man from Texas who wants fiscal responsibility, clean water and strong military. I don’t hate George W. Bush anymore than I hate, say Hitler or King Kong.
Moderator: Fair enough. But how do you think Bush caused this mineshaft tragedy.
Rather: Firstly, let’s not call it a mineshaft tragedy, as it may offend gay men. Let’s call it Bush Coal Collapse 2006. Secondly, I think it’s fairly certain that Bush had Dick Chaney placed TNT at strategic places in the mine. Then, he himself pushed the Acme dynamite plunger, like a New Age Coyote bent on destroying more than just Road Runners.
Moderator: But why would Bush do this?
Rather: To divert attention from his legal woes and the faltering war in Iraq. Bill Clinton did something similar during MonicaGate.
Alec: STOP!
Barbra: Oh My God!
Mapes: No! No, My EARS!
Moderator: Stop! Mr. Rather, you have a distinguished career as a Bush Hater, that no one can deny. But you have violated one of the most sacred rules here on Democrat Political Discussion. You have said a non positive thing abouty Bill Clinton!
Barbra: And you mentioned him in the same sentence as Bush! Whattayou? The Anti Christ.
Moderator: Barbera, please refrain from an references to God.
Barbra: Oh, sorry. He just made me lose it there.
Moderator: How about you, Barbra. You’ve always been a vocal Bush Critic. How did Bush cause this tragedy to occur?
Barbra: Before I make a comment, I have to clean the air and purify the chakras which were polluted when Dan Rather made a questionable remark about Bill Clinton. Please excuse for for a second.
(BARBRA STANDS UP, CLASPS HER HANDS TOGETHER AND STARTS CHANTING)
Mmmmm. Bill Clinton….. Mmmmm… Clinton…. Mmmmm Bill Clinton….. Mmmm Clean Clinton… Mmmmm…..
(SHE SITS DOWN)
Barbra: Ok. Bush… (GETTING ANGRIER) Bush!!! Bush!!!
(STARTS HYPERVENTILATING)
Moderator: Calm down, Barbra. We don’t want you having another fit. Why not inhale from your puffer?
(INAHLES, TAKES A DEEP BREATH AND RELAXES SLOWLY)
Barbra: Ok. Bush did this because it was an evil thing and that’s all Bush can do. If Bush had his way, all of the miners would have been killed. And they would have been killed senselessly, fighting in this war for oil. You know, maybe they did die in Iraq and Bush created this whole media event to hide their bodies. Maybe he is looking for ways to hide the great number of people dying in Iraq.
Alec: That’s Brilliant! You mean, these 13 men were soldiers who died fighting the heroic Iraqi Freedom Fighters and then he had them flown to the mine and then Dick Chaney blew it up.
Rather: Yes! That would be a great way for him to make it look like no one is dying from this horrible war.
Barbra: I’ll bet right now, he’s taking dead soldiers, dressing them up as civilians and placing them into car accidents. That way, no one would know how many hundreds of thousands of soldiers are dying!
Moderator: Hold on a minute. Most of the dead miners were too old to be in the military.
Barbra: That’s what they want us to believe. Christ man, can’t you see it?
Alec: They have gotten to you too, haven’t they? You friggin Homophobe!
Moderator: Homophobe?! We’re not even talking about gay men here.
Mapes: And that’s they way you like it, too. Isn’t it, you Gay Hating, SUV driving, Ralph Nader supporter!
Pico hide well to listen but make eep eep sound, almost get caught, Pico had to run aways... eep eep
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