Friday, July 06, 2012
Top 10 Reasons to Vote for Obama
10) He's trendy. He's the Pesto of Politicians.
9) It shows you aren't a racist.
8) He has a lovely singing voice. Did you hear him do Al Green?
7) Next term, he'll probably really do what he promised.
6) Because he loves Europe and those Europeans know a lot more than we do.
5) He's so cool, it's like he won American Idol 50 million times in a row.
4) Two Words; Negro Wisdom.
3) Because Leadership is overrated.
2) The country is screwed no matter what we do, so why not?
1) He's like a younger version of the cool black guy in 'Shawshank Redemption'.
Tuesday, July 03, 2012
Young People Be the Key to 2012 Victory
by Rhymin Man Jesse Jackson
The great thing about young people is that they are always young. The 19 year old know it all we fooled last 2008 are now at least 22 years old, in the workforce and boy are they angry. They're working for corporate charlatans, paying all sorts of new taxes and they aren’t going to be our friends this time. In fact, if we still have their names on a mailing list we should just burn that sucker. Forget about those guys cause man, they gone.
Here in 2012, we have new bumper crop of 19 year old know it alls, praise Allah. We need to target them with the same Hoo-Hah we used last time out. You know, the classics, America is bad but we can make it good, Whitey, I mean, the establishment is corrupt, and that Black people are the only ones full of enough good old Negro wisdom to guide us out of the mess we are in.
Young people got spry legs. They can walk around and work for hours for no pay and they don’t enough know better. You never hear of adults working in sweatshops cause they're too smart. We need to tap into this vein of energetic young people who will work for free and display the kind of revolutionary zeal usually only reserved for committed Communists or Islamic terrorists. Now, even though it goes against every grain in my body, we should target White kids cause them Black kids are just too damn smart. Plus, they will all vote for Obama anyway, every time, every day, unless some other Black guy enters the race.
These white college kids should come from money because the extra guilt will only work in our favor. I remember last election, there was this one kid who drove bums to the election booth in his daddy’s jaguar. THAT'S what we are looking for. Giving bums cigarettes and Mad Dog 20-20 will only take you so far. But how many homeless people every get to ride in a Jag? I have 2 of em but Damn if I let one of those pants pissing winos in my ride.
So yes, the youth are the key. They work cheap, have extra guilt and don’t have any background in real world concepts like fiscal responsibility or fairness.
I’d figure we would be in a different position by now. Hell, I figured Obama COULDN’T do worse than Bush, but this Internet thing with all of it’s easy facts and thousands of sources of information is just too hard to plug up. We can no longer count on our friends at CBS, MSNBC, NBC, ABC, the Huffpo or even NPR anymore.
That damn Internet prevents us from shaping all of the news anymore. Any damn fool who has been looking for a job, trying to get a car loan or even trying to feed a family knows damn well we screwed up. We screwed up real bad. We're just gonna have to gives the people a little Shamalam. A little Skiddley Do. Hey, Look over there!!! Oh, nevermind. Forget about the damn deficit. Check out this cool picture of Michele Obama riding a horse. Hey Obama is at the White House meeting with LeBron, ain’t that cool? Screw the unemployment figures, man. It’s LeBron!
The great thing about young people is that they are always young. The 19 year old know it all we fooled last 2008 are now at least 22 years old, in the workforce and boy are they angry. They're working for corporate charlatans, paying all sorts of new taxes and they aren’t going to be our friends this time. In fact, if we still have their names on a mailing list we should just burn that sucker. Forget about those guys cause man, they gone.
Here in 2012, we have new bumper crop of 19 year old know it alls, praise Allah. We need to target them with the same Hoo-Hah we used last time out. You know, the classics, America is bad but we can make it good, Whitey, I mean, the establishment is corrupt, and that Black people are the only ones full of enough good old Negro wisdom to guide us out of the mess we are in.
Young people got spry legs. They can walk around and work for hours for no pay and they don’t enough know better. You never hear of adults working in sweatshops cause they're too smart. We need to tap into this vein of energetic young people who will work for free and display the kind of revolutionary zeal usually only reserved for committed Communists or Islamic terrorists. Now, even though it goes against every grain in my body, we should target White kids cause them Black kids are just too damn smart. Plus, they will all vote for Obama anyway, every time, every day, unless some other Black guy enters the race.
These white college kids should come from money because the extra guilt will only work in our favor. I remember last election, there was this one kid who drove bums to the election booth in his daddy’s jaguar. THAT'S what we are looking for. Giving bums cigarettes and Mad Dog 20-20 will only take you so far. But how many homeless people every get to ride in a Jag? I have 2 of em but Damn if I let one of those pants pissing winos in my ride.
So yes, the youth are the key. They work cheap, have extra guilt and don’t have any background in real world concepts like fiscal responsibility or fairness.
I’d figure we would be in a different position by now. Hell, I figured Obama COULDN’T do worse than Bush, but this Internet thing with all of it’s easy facts and thousands of sources of information is just too hard to plug up. We can no longer count on our friends at CBS, MSNBC, NBC, ABC, the Huffpo or even NPR anymore.
That damn Internet prevents us from shaping all of the news anymore. Any damn fool who has been looking for a job, trying to get a car loan or even trying to feed a family knows damn well we screwed up. We screwed up real bad. We're just gonna have to gives the people a little Shamalam. A little Skiddley Do. Hey, Look over there!!! Oh, nevermind. Forget about the damn deficit. Check out this cool picture of Michele Obama riding a horse. Hey Obama is at the White House meeting with LeBron, ain’t that cool? Screw the unemployment figures, man. It’s LeBron!
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