Obama's Delima with the passing of Ted Kennedy

1st Aide: Sir, we’ve just received word from Hyannisport than Sen Kennedy is on his last legs. He is not expected to make it through the night.

Obama: Say WHAT?!

2nd Aide: Unfortunately, it’s true sir. Our doctors have looked at the data and they confirm the prognosis.

Obama: Hey guys, I aint trying to hear that ok. Between these crazy old people in the town hall meetings and my approval numbers Kennedy dropping out on me now is unacceptable.

1st Aide: I know sir. We have had a rough August.

2nd Aide: I agree, but there is little we can do about this.

Obama: Look gentlemens, I need that fat bastard up and around. I need him to make one last triumphant entry into the Senate chamber to rouse enthusiasm for our Healthcare plan. You guys guaranteed me he’d last until November. OK, so I’m holding you to it.

2nd Aide: Sir, we all thought he would make it. It is disappointing.

1st Aide: Not even MSNBC can help us with this one. Unfortunately, the Senator is too sick to leave bed. He’s in a coma now.

Obama: Aw no. No no no no no. You guys are going to fix this.

1st Aide: Sir, he is currently bleeding from the mouth and convulsing. I have been told that he will not regain consciousness.

Obama: No, you punks are going to get me Kennedy. You are going to have him walk into the Senate chamber, give a thumbs up and then the sucker could die on the floor for all I care.

2nd Aide: That would be very dramatic. And it would be a fitting end for the Liberal Lion. Dying on the floor of the Senate.

1st Aide: Guys it’s much worse than that. The man is pretty much dead right now. It’s just a matter of time.

Obama: Wheel the son of a bitch in in a wheelchair. We could put sticks on his arms like they do with those muppets.

1st Aide: Sir, I acknowledge we really need Senator Kennedy right now. Even his appearance at the Senate would be a great symbol for our Healthcare take over bill. But the man can’t do it. Let’s just let him die in peace.

Obama: What about the Disneyland guys?

1st Aide: Sir?

Obama: Those animatronic guys. We could hire them to hook up some gizmos and have Kennedy walk around and such. Hell, I saw them do it to Lincoln in that thing in Orlando.

2nd Aide: You mean you want us to take the senator’s dead body and let engineers apply cybernetic devices that would enable the Senator to walk into the chamber?

Obama: And give the thumbs up. Hell they could even make him talk. They can use the same voice that that Stephen Hawkings guy uses. The black hole guy. Allah! Do I have to think of everythings with you people?!

1st Aide: Sir, let’s look at this from another angle. After he dies, you could deliver a rousing eulogy. You could use the Teleprompter to rally the troops.

2nd Aide: Yes, we could even name the bill after Senator Kennedy.

Obama: You want to call it Chappaquidick Care? Man, you guys are stupid! Get Disney on the phone! Unfreeze the main guy if you haves to. I want to have a Robo-Kennedy ready to go within 72 hours. Make it happen.

2nd Aide: Sir, there are other issues. For instance, his family and the doctors will know the truth. I don’t think we could guarantee their silence. Plus, dead bodies smell.

Obama: Just splash some Brut on him. Hell the old fart wore it all the time anyway.

1st Aide: Sir, I know our Healthcare control bill is having trouble, but I just cant see how parading a dead body into the Senate, splashing cologne on it and using it like a muppet to give a thumbs up is going to help stop the public from rejecting our bill.

Obama: BUSH!

2nd Aide: Sir?

Obama: Bush, motherfucka! You bastards used to work for Bush didn’t ya?

2nd Aide: What?

Obama: Say What again! Say what again! I dare you! I double dare you motherfucka! Say What one more time?

1st Aide: Sir, we have been your aides for the last 5 years. We never worked for the Bush family.

Obama: Does he look like a bitch?

2nd Aide: What?


Obama takes out a gun and shoots the 2nd aide.


Obama: Does George Bush look like a bitch!

1st aide: Oh no, not again. (Speaking into cell phone) yeah, he did it again. Please get the medics to the oval office. Sir, you are not Samuel L. Jackson.

Obama: Unless you get me a RoboKennedy I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger.

2nd Aide: That crazy idiot shot me!

1st Aide: Medics are on the way.

Obama: And you will know I AM OBAMA when I lay my vengeance upon THEE!