Hey Obama! Leave those Kids Alone

Obama: Boys I wanna make a statement to the kids of America. I want to speak directly to them.

Communist Czar #1: Fine Mr. President, do you want us to set up a press conference?

Obama: No, that wont do. I need to get them where their parents wont hear what I have to say.

Communist Czar #2: OK, maybe we could go to the Cartoon Channel or Nickelodeon?

Obama: No, no, then I’d have to deal with those FCC regulations.

Communist Czar #1: Mr. President, you’re not going to swear or do anything obscene right?

Obama: Oh no, nothing like that. I just want them to hear my words in a friendly atmosphere. Someplace where there are as few thoughtful adults as possible.

Communist Czar #1: How about moveon.org?

Obama: No, still too risky. How about I broadcast a speech directly into the schools? That way, the only adults who would hear it are teachers. They like us, right?

Communist Czar #2: Oh yes, Mr. President.

Communist Czar #1: Almost as much as trial lawyers.

Obama: Cool. Let’s set it up.

Communist Czar #2: Mr. President, I’m a little concerned with the content of your message. What is the theme?

Obama: Well, I’ve tried to sell my healthcare to their parents for a few months now and as amazing as it seems, the old Obama magic doesn’t seem to be working on them. All of these angry people at the town hall meetings are killing me. The usual blame-it-on-Bush stuff isn’t working. Not even the CIA inquiry. I’m going to have to think outside of the box on this one,

Communist Czar #1: Don’t blame yourself sir, it’s a hard thing to sell.

Communist Czar #2: Yes, we couldn’t get it passed before the recess and now people have had time to read it.

Obama: Yeah, I knew that would be a problem. So I am going to talk directly to the kiddies.

Communist Czar #2: Do you really think they will have an influence in this debate.

Obama: Now, I just want to tell them about the town hall meetings.

Communist Czar #1: Do you expect them to show up and stage a youth oriented counter demonstration for healthcare?

Obama: No, I just want to ask them to hide their parents car keys. Or maybe lie about having a soccer meet or something like that.

Communist Czar #2: So you want them to try to prevent the parents from attending the town hall meeting?

Obama: Well, that and suggest that Santa Claus likes Socialism… I’m just brain storming here guys.

Communist Czar #1: I see the angle. How about we tell them there is a monster under their beds that will eat them if they don’t insist on socialized medicine?

Communist Czar #2: Don’t we have to worry about their teachers?

Obama: Are you kidding, they are all NEA. We could tell the kids to poison their parents and the teachers would go along. But let’s save that for when things get really desperate. Could we get endorsements from some of their favorite celebrities like Scooby Doo and the Power Puff girls.

Communist Czar #2: Those are cartoons sir.

Obama: I know, but maybe we can lean on them a little. Threaten them with audits. Maybe we can take Spongebob hostage?

Communist Czar #2: Sir, I think we need to be a little more subtle.

Communist Czar #1: OK, OK, how about we show them how well Socialized medicine is working in Cuba and France?

Obama: Excellent. Let’s have some animators create a cartoon character. A Hammer and a sickle named Marxie. Marxie shows us how the bourgeois is exploiting the proletariats through a medical system that provides disproportionate health care to the rich.

Communist Czar #2: Sir, that sounds a little too close to Communism.

Obama: Are you kidding, these kids don’t even know what that is. They are all born after 1989! That don’t even know what an 8 track is let alone a collectivist system of government devolving into an oligarchy.

Communist Czar #1: I say we go back to the poison idea.

Obama: Yeah, these people need universal healthcare. They need it no matter what the price. Even if I have to kill most of them to show them how important universal healthcare is. Let’s talk about poisons.

Communist Czar #2: Sir, most Americans have healthcare and 85% are satisfied with it.

Obama: But it is uneven healthcare. Some people have none and some people have too much. We have to spread it around. I’d rather 100% of the people have crappy healthcare than for most to have good healthcare. That’s equality. That is fairness. A classless society based upon equal access and equal suffering, regardless of race, wealth or influence.

Communist Czar #1: But we get to keep our health insurance right?

Obama: Of course, we’re no idiots. My plan is for stupid people. Fuck that shit. If I really believed this crap I wouldn’t be flying around in a helicopter, would I?

Communist Czar #2: Oh thank God.

Obama: Hey! Watch that God talk stuff in here! I can’t wait until we get this damn thing passed. Fucking Sarkozy and that English idiot have been busting my balls over it. (In a falsetto) Haw Haw, why don’t chu Ameericans have equal healthcare? You Americans are so stew peed! I’m tired of them acting so cool and bragging about all of the control they have over people because of the healthcare.

Communist Czar #2: Sir, that reminds me, Sarkozy wants us to make an appointment for him at John’s Hopkin’s to have a Cat Scan. He may have cancer and he doesn’t trust his doctors.