Friday, July 06, 2012
Top 10 Reasons to Vote for Obama
10) He's trendy. He's the Pesto of Politicians.
9) It shows you aren't a racist.
8) He has a lovely singing voice. Did you hear him do Al Green?
7) Next term, he'll probably really do what he promised.
6) Because he loves Europe and those Europeans know a lot more than we do.
5) He's so cool, it's like he won American Idol 50 million times in a row.
4) Two Words; Negro Wisdom.
3) Because Leadership is overrated.
2) The country is screwed no matter what we do, so why not?
1) He's like a younger version of the cool black guy in 'Shawshank Redemption'.
Tuesday, July 03, 2012
Young People Be the Key to 2012 Victory
by Rhymin Man Jesse Jackson
The great thing about young people is that they are always young. The 19 year old know it all we fooled last 2008 are now at least 22 years old, in the workforce and boy are they angry. They're working for corporate charlatans, paying all sorts of new taxes and they aren’t going to be our friends this time. In fact, if we still have their names on a mailing list we should just burn that sucker. Forget about those guys cause man, they gone.
Here in 2012, we have new bumper crop of 19 year old know it alls, praise Allah. We need to target them with the same Hoo-Hah we used last time out. You know, the classics, America is bad but we can make it good, Whitey, I mean, the establishment is corrupt, and that Black people are the only ones full of enough good old Negro wisdom to guide us out of the mess we are in.
Young people got spry legs. They can walk around and work for hours for no pay and they don’t enough know better. You never hear of adults working in sweatshops cause they're too smart. We need to tap into this vein of energetic young people who will work for free and display the kind of revolutionary zeal usually only reserved for committed Communists or Islamic terrorists. Now, even though it goes against every grain in my body, we should target White kids cause them Black kids are just too damn smart. Plus, they will all vote for Obama anyway, every time, every day, unless some other Black guy enters the race.
These white college kids should come from money because the extra guilt will only work in our favor. I remember last election, there was this one kid who drove bums to the election booth in his daddy’s jaguar. THAT'S what we are looking for. Giving bums cigarettes and Mad Dog 20-20 will only take you so far. But how many homeless people every get to ride in a Jag? I have 2 of em but Damn if I let one of those pants pissing winos in my ride.
So yes, the youth are the key. They work cheap, have extra guilt and don’t have any background in real world concepts like fiscal responsibility or fairness.
I’d figure we would be in a different position by now. Hell, I figured Obama COULDN’T do worse than Bush, but this Internet thing with all of it’s easy facts and thousands of sources of information is just too hard to plug up. We can no longer count on our friends at CBS, MSNBC, NBC, ABC, the Huffpo or even NPR anymore.
That damn Internet prevents us from shaping all of the news anymore. Any damn fool who has been looking for a job, trying to get a car loan or even trying to feed a family knows damn well we screwed up. We screwed up real bad. We're just gonna have to gives the people a little Shamalam. A little Skiddley Do. Hey, Look over there!!! Oh, nevermind. Forget about the damn deficit. Check out this cool picture of Michele Obama riding a horse. Hey Obama is at the White House meeting with LeBron, ain’t that cool? Screw the unemployment figures, man. It’s LeBron!
The great thing about young people is that they are always young. The 19 year old know it all we fooled last 2008 are now at least 22 years old, in the workforce and boy are they angry. They're working for corporate charlatans, paying all sorts of new taxes and they aren’t going to be our friends this time. In fact, if we still have their names on a mailing list we should just burn that sucker. Forget about those guys cause man, they gone.
Here in 2012, we have new bumper crop of 19 year old know it alls, praise Allah. We need to target them with the same Hoo-Hah we used last time out. You know, the classics, America is bad but we can make it good, Whitey, I mean, the establishment is corrupt, and that Black people are the only ones full of enough good old Negro wisdom to guide us out of the mess we are in.
Young people got spry legs. They can walk around and work for hours for no pay and they don’t enough know better. You never hear of adults working in sweatshops cause they're too smart. We need to tap into this vein of energetic young people who will work for free and display the kind of revolutionary zeal usually only reserved for committed Communists or Islamic terrorists. Now, even though it goes against every grain in my body, we should target White kids cause them Black kids are just too damn smart. Plus, they will all vote for Obama anyway, every time, every day, unless some other Black guy enters the race.
These white college kids should come from money because the extra guilt will only work in our favor. I remember last election, there was this one kid who drove bums to the election booth in his daddy’s jaguar. THAT'S what we are looking for. Giving bums cigarettes and Mad Dog 20-20 will only take you so far. But how many homeless people every get to ride in a Jag? I have 2 of em but Damn if I let one of those pants pissing winos in my ride.
So yes, the youth are the key. They work cheap, have extra guilt and don’t have any background in real world concepts like fiscal responsibility or fairness.
I’d figure we would be in a different position by now. Hell, I figured Obama COULDN’T do worse than Bush, but this Internet thing with all of it’s easy facts and thousands of sources of information is just too hard to plug up. We can no longer count on our friends at CBS, MSNBC, NBC, ABC, the Huffpo or even NPR anymore.
That damn Internet prevents us from shaping all of the news anymore. Any damn fool who has been looking for a job, trying to get a car loan or even trying to feed a family knows damn well we screwed up. We screwed up real bad. We're just gonna have to gives the people a little Shamalam. A little Skiddley Do. Hey, Look over there!!! Oh, nevermind. Forget about the damn deficit. Check out this cool picture of Michele Obama riding a horse. Hey Obama is at the White House meeting with LeBron, ain’t that cool? Screw the unemployment figures, man. It’s LeBron!
Saturday, August 14, 2010
Lame Duck Rascism
One of the funniest things going on in the news is the Liberals fighting back at their non results by calling everyone racist.
The Conservatives do the same thing in a way. When they are being attacked they call their opposition ‘UnAmerican’ or 'Soft on Communism/Terrorism'.
The Liberals and Trial lawyers in our society have done a great job in educating people on Racism,
Sexual Harassment, Gay Rights, and anything else that if you reject you can be sued for. Ever-practical Corporations, fearful of lawsuits, went out of their way to teach us about these and how they could not only get you fired, but could cost the company Kajillions of dollars.
The irony of this is that most people now know the legal definitions of racism; what it is and what it is not. This has proven to be a problem for the Liberals. When critics attack Liberals for their lack of results on the economy or their refusal to listen to the will of the people on Health Care, they respond by branding their critics as racist. You would think this was a sure fire tactic with a Black president. But it's not.
When racism was ill-defined or defined by only Black people, it was easy to believe. But when we all know what racism is, well, your accusation better have some merit to it or you will be ignored and marginalized.
Example; the country is violently against ObamaCare for many valid reasons. The Democrats, desperate to FINALLY pass one of their most cherished ideals into law, had to resort to bribes, legal chicanery and voting sleight of hand to get it passed. When anyone voiced strong opposition to it, they were called racist or 'wanting to see a Black Man fail'. They were 'angry', 'clinging to guns and religion' rather than be ruled by a Black person. There were even some who INISISTED that racial epithets were hurled against Black congressmen as they marched into the House to vote the dreaded bill into law. But those pesky video cameras failed to substantiate even a single instance of racial language being used. In fact, a 100,000 dollar reward offered for any video evidence of racial abuse went uncollected. (Damn cameras! They are standing in the way of Progess!)
In a way, the Liberals are the victims of their own success. Disagreeing with a Black President is NOT racist unless you are only looking at his skin color and not his ideas. And it turns out the President’s ideas are VERY easy to find fault with regardless of his skin color. Obama could be the Whitest, WASPiest, most accepted, non threating Caucasian since Thurston Howell the 3rd or Santa Claus and we’d still hate these ideas.
The second hysterically ironic aspect of the race card is that the very people who try to play it, have some questionable people on their side. Certain quotes, if said from Republicans would end careers.
But if they are spoken by Democrats, they are 'misquotes' and therefore mistakes instead of racial slurs.
Harry Reid described Obama as a "light skinned" African-American "with no Negro dialect, unless he wanted to have one". This was OK because the speaker was a Dem. Even the Vice President stated “you got the first mainstream African-American who is articulate and bright and clean and a nice-looking guy". This translates to 'all other black candidate up till now has been inarticulate, dull, dirty and ugly'.
When critics vilified GW Bush as a monkey, Hitler or the Grim Reaper, Liberals laughed with glee. When Obama was portrayed likewise they labeled the critics racists, Astroturf, tea baggers or just plain Evil.
In GhostBusters Dr Ray Stantz said ,"Personally, I liked the university. They gave us money and facilities; we didn't have to produce anything! You've never been out of college! You don't know what it’s like out there! I've *worked* in the private sector. They expect *results*".
This is the same position the Democrats find themselves in. They have total power in our government, at least until November, but they are finding out that it is a lot easier to blame someone for the problems of the world than it is to step in and acutally SOLVE them. I am sure the Liberals and Moderate Dems truly believed that by this point in time they would have made a lot more progress. But reality is a funny thing.
I think the public would have been more forgiving it the Dems weren't so cocky and condescending.
They promised too much. They promised they would be different, transparent, ethical and, if anything, things would not be business-as-usual. Instead, not only have they been the opposite they were worse than the last several administrations; more deceiving, more secretive, and more 'Business-as-usual'.
It's like the Sheriff who promised to Clean Up the Town, only to be even more corrupt than the criminals he pursued. The American people are surprisingly smart. They didn't like Bush and they elected what they thought was the opposite. Then, Obama turned out to be the inexperienced, aloof, out of touch Ivory Tower prince his critics painted him as. And he took a bad situation and actually made it much worse. When the Dems try to cover it up and label their opponents as racist, the Amercian people, educated by Liberals, rightfully dismiss it and think "You're just saying that to disguise the fact that you guys haven’t done ANYTHING good in 2 years".
The Conservatives do the same thing in a way. When they are being attacked they call their opposition ‘UnAmerican’ or 'Soft on Communism/Terrorism'.
The Liberals and Trial lawyers in our society have done a great job in educating people on Racism,
Sexual Harassment, Gay Rights, and anything else that if you reject you can be sued for. Ever-practical Corporations, fearful of lawsuits, went out of their way to teach us about these and how they could not only get you fired, but could cost the company Kajillions of dollars.
The irony of this is that most people now know the legal definitions of racism; what it is and what it is not. This has proven to be a problem for the Liberals. When critics attack Liberals for their lack of results on the economy or their refusal to listen to the will of the people on Health Care, they respond by branding their critics as racist. You would think this was a sure fire tactic with a Black president. But it's not.
When racism was ill-defined or defined by only Black people, it was easy to believe. But when we all know what racism is, well, your accusation better have some merit to it or you will be ignored and marginalized.
Example; the country is violently against ObamaCare for many valid reasons. The Democrats, desperate to FINALLY pass one of their most cherished ideals into law, had to resort to bribes, legal chicanery and voting sleight of hand to get it passed. When anyone voiced strong opposition to it, they were called racist or 'wanting to see a Black Man fail'. They were 'angry', 'clinging to guns and religion' rather than be ruled by a Black person. There were even some who INISISTED that racial epithets were hurled against Black congressmen as they marched into the House to vote the dreaded bill into law. But those pesky video cameras failed to substantiate even a single instance of racial language being used. In fact, a 100,000 dollar reward offered for any video evidence of racial abuse went uncollected. (Damn cameras! They are standing in the way of Progess!)
In a way, the Liberals are the victims of their own success. Disagreeing with a Black President is NOT racist unless you are only looking at his skin color and not his ideas. And it turns out the President’s ideas are VERY easy to find fault with regardless of his skin color. Obama could be the Whitest, WASPiest, most accepted, non threating Caucasian since Thurston Howell the 3rd or Santa Claus and we’d still hate these ideas.
The second hysterically ironic aspect of the race card is that the very people who try to play it, have some questionable people on their side. Certain quotes, if said from Republicans would end careers.
But if they are spoken by Democrats, they are 'misquotes' and therefore mistakes instead of racial slurs.
Harry Reid described Obama as a "light skinned" African-American "with no Negro dialect, unless he wanted to have one". This was OK because the speaker was a Dem. Even the Vice President stated “you got the first mainstream African-American who is articulate and bright and clean and a nice-looking guy". This translates to 'all other black candidate up till now has been inarticulate, dull, dirty and ugly'.
When critics vilified GW Bush as a monkey, Hitler or the Grim Reaper, Liberals laughed with glee. When Obama was portrayed likewise they labeled the critics racists, Astroturf, tea baggers or just plain Evil.
In GhostBusters Dr Ray Stantz said ,"Personally, I liked the university. They gave us money and facilities; we didn't have to produce anything! You've never been out of college! You don't know what it’s like out there! I've *worked* in the private sector. They expect *results*".
This is the same position the Democrats find themselves in. They have total power in our government, at least until November, but they are finding out that it is a lot easier to blame someone for the problems of the world than it is to step in and acutally SOLVE them. I am sure the Liberals and Moderate Dems truly believed that by this point in time they would have made a lot more progress. But reality is a funny thing.
I think the public would have been more forgiving it the Dems weren't so cocky and condescending.
They promised too much. They promised they would be different, transparent, ethical and, if anything, things would not be business-as-usual. Instead, not only have they been the opposite they were worse than the last several administrations; more deceiving, more secretive, and more 'Business-as-usual'.
It's like the Sheriff who promised to Clean Up the Town, only to be even more corrupt than the criminals he pursued. The American people are surprisingly smart. They didn't like Bush and they elected what they thought was the opposite. Then, Obama turned out to be the inexperienced, aloof, out of touch Ivory Tower prince his critics painted him as. And he took a bad situation and actually made it much worse. When the Dems try to cover it up and label their opponents as racist, the Amercian people, educated by Liberals, rightfully dismiss it and think "You're just saying that to disguise the fact that you guys haven’t done ANYTHING good in 2 years".
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
New Spy Trade with Russia
Lindsey Lohan for Hot Russian Chick
In a surprise move, the United States Government put Lindsey Lohan on a plane for Russia in an apparent spy swap for the recently deported Spy Anna Chapman. White House Spokesman Robert Gibbs briefed the press on the swap.
“It’s a win-win situation for all parties. Lindsey Lohan won’t have to go to jail, and we get that smoking little Russian chick back.” The swap was the brainchild of TMZ.com who noted that readers had become tired of the never ending Lindsey Lohan drama and were expressing outrage that our country let go ‘such a fine piece of Russian pulchritude’. Anna Chapman quickly agreed to the swap because she couldn’t go back to a life of” vodka, borscht and waiting in line for toilet paper”. Chapman also said, “Ezz like that Green Acres, Dahling I love you but geev me Park Avenue.”
Lindsey Lohan’s publicist indicated that her client was reluctant to leave America for Russia, but was dead set against serving any jail time. “We tried to convince her that it was for the best. She refused so we gave her a bunch of Vicodin and a bottle of Gin. That gave us plenty of time to bundle her up on the plane and jet her off.”
In a surprise move, the United States Government put Lindsey Lohan on a plane for Russia in an apparent spy swap for the recently deported Spy Anna Chapman. White House Spokesman Robert Gibbs briefed the press on the swap.
“It’s a win-win situation for all parties. Lindsey Lohan won’t have to go to jail, and we get that smoking little Russian chick back.” The swap was the brainchild of TMZ.com who noted that readers had become tired of the never ending Lindsey Lohan drama and were expressing outrage that our country let go ‘such a fine piece of Russian pulchritude’. Anna Chapman quickly agreed to the swap because she couldn’t go back to a life of” vodka, borscht and waiting in line for toilet paper”. Chapman also said, “Ezz like that Green Acres, Dahling I love you but geev me Park Avenue.”
Lindsey Lohan’s publicist indicated that her client was reluctant to leave America for Russia, but was dead set against serving any jail time. “We tried to convince her that it was for the best. She refused so we gave her a bunch of Vicodin and a bottle of Gin. That gave us plenty of time to bundle her up on the plane and jet her off.”
Saturday, July 17, 2010
Gonna Sock it to the Democrats in November
Dear Democrats,
Boy are you guys gonna get it in November.
I won’t vote for any of you. Even if it’s the first time you are running for office, I won’t vote for you. I will vote Republican. Hell, I’d even vote Libertarian, Green, Independent or for a party of Mexican Midgets before I vote Democratic.
And it’s not that your party’s spending has put us further into debt. Or that you broke your promised of an age of transparency and bipartisanship. Or the lies about raising taxes, banning lobbyists or even the coterie of radical and communist advisers with whom Obama surrounded himself.
It’s because of Health care. It’s because your party chose to ignore the will of the people and pushed through a bill only your party wanted. You went against the whole idea of representative Democracy and tried to use your super majority to pass Health care. Then, when you lost your super majority, you resorted to trickery and highly questionable parliamentary procedures to force it through. You had several months to try to convince the public it was the right thing to do, and still no one is buying it.
Now, the public must banish you for the breach of trust. Do you know what you call a politician who thinks he knows what is best and ignores the will of the people he represents? Unemployed.
It’s sad really. Because of the likes of Pelosi, Reid, Obama, Dodd, Frank, Murtha, Specter and others, all Democrats must suffer. I wouldn’t vote Democrat even if JFK returned from the dead to run for congress in my district.
The truth is you guys are lucky. Many times in the past when politicians have ignored the will of the people it has led to rioting, insurrection and armed revolution. Your power grab could have ended on a much uglier note. Several months from now all of the Democrats running for public office will be relegated to Jimmy Carterland. The place for ineffective and dodgy politicians.
Good riddance.
Boy are you guys gonna get it in November.
I won’t vote for any of you. Even if it’s the first time you are running for office, I won’t vote for you. I will vote Republican. Hell, I’d even vote Libertarian, Green, Independent or for a party of Mexican Midgets before I vote Democratic.
And it’s not that your party’s spending has put us further into debt. Or that you broke your promised of an age of transparency and bipartisanship. Or the lies about raising taxes, banning lobbyists or even the coterie of radical and communist advisers with whom Obama surrounded himself.
It’s because of Health care. It’s because your party chose to ignore the will of the people and pushed through a bill only your party wanted. You went against the whole idea of representative Democracy and tried to use your super majority to pass Health care. Then, when you lost your super majority, you resorted to trickery and highly questionable parliamentary procedures to force it through. You had several months to try to convince the public it was the right thing to do, and still no one is buying it.
Now, the public must banish you for the breach of trust. Do you know what you call a politician who thinks he knows what is best and ignores the will of the people he represents? Unemployed.
It’s sad really. Because of the likes of Pelosi, Reid, Obama, Dodd, Frank, Murtha, Specter and others, all Democrats must suffer. I wouldn’t vote Democrat even if JFK returned from the dead to run for congress in my district.
The truth is you guys are lucky. Many times in the past when politicians have ignored the will of the people it has led to rioting, insurrection and armed revolution. Your power grab could have ended on a much uglier note. Several months from now all of the Democrats running for public office will be relegated to Jimmy Carterland. The place for ineffective and dodgy politicians.
Good riddance.
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
THE BP OIL SPILL IS RACIST!
The Oil Spill is attempting to alienate voters from Obama. It is deliberating trying to divert attention from all of Obama’s many achievements in the 500 odd days since he took office. The only way the Oil Spill can win is by being ‘The Oil Spill of No’. It adds nothing to the political argument. It only focuses on the negative and only employs the evil tactics it learned from George Bush. (May Allah condemn him.)
BLACK DEATH!
But if you look beneath the surface you’ll see the truth behind the Oil Spill. There is no doubt the Oil Spill does not like Obama and, like Rush Limbaugh, wants him to fail. Ask yourself, ‘Why is this?’ and the obvious answer is that the Oil Spill is not ready for a black man to lead this country. The Oil Spill is angry that the white people are out of power. Did you ever notice that he Oil Spill kills wildlife by covering them with oil? And what color is this oil? Black!
Racism Murderlized this Bird with the Black Oil Death!
It’s like the Oil Spill is saying that when things go black, they die. That black is an evil entity and when it coats things it kills them. The Oil Spill is the most obviously racist entity since the S.A.T. test. It’s two pronged attack says that Obama is weak and unable to control world events and that anything black kills the good of the world. Did you ever notice that the Oil Spill seems to always go after WHITE birds like the Pelican? How come the Oil Spill dominated Media never show you the Oil killing a BLACK bird?
INBRED IDIOTS
It’s only a matter of time before the Oil Spill shows its true colors and starts using the N word or starts spitting on Black Congressional leaders like Andre Carson. How long will it be before America wakes up and realizes that this Oil Spill stands for the darkest and worse aspects of the American character; religion, guns and white supremacy? When will the idiots who don’t live in New York, Boston, San Francisco and Minnesota realize that the Oil Spill is preventing us from evolving into a fully, socialist, I mean, modern and progressive society like those in France, Venezuela and Greece?
FEAR OF THE FUTURE!
I fear for the future of our country. Until the redneck, uneducated, unwashed, unenlightened and religious people in the fly over states stop watching FoxNews and see the Oil Spill for the enemy it really is, we will never create the utopia that my college professor assured me is possible.
Monday, June 14, 2010
The New MSNBC Game Show: BLAME BUSH!!
Iraqi Contestant 1: Bush had no justification to invade, he led us into a costly quagmire that bankrupted out country. Meanwhile Osama is still loose.
Iraqi Contestant 2: Dick Cheney sold them the uranium and built the reactors!
Afghanistan Contestant 2: Bush ignored Afghanistan as he was distracted by the Vietnam like quagmire in Iraq.
Announcer: Excellent. OK, Now the questions get harder.
How was George W. Bush responsible for The BP Oil Spill in the Gulf of Mexico?
Contestant 1: Bush was in bed with the oil industry so he could make his oil buddies rich. They cut corners and programmed the leak to occur 450 days after Obama took office.
Announcer: Oooh, close, but not enough.
Contestant 2: Bush OKed drilling in the gulf and falsified safety reports to make his oil buddies rich?
Announcer: No, it’s true that George Bush did want to make his oil buddies rich, but the Oil spill happened because he buried a nuclear bomb in the gulf and programmed it to exploded in 2010 hoping it would cause a tidal wave and finish off all of the black people who made it through Katrina. OK, let’s try again. How was Bush responsible for the Greek economic crisis?
Contestant 1: Bush forced them to host the Olympics in 2002 and caused a financial domino effect which may devalue the Europe and cause the collapse of the European Union.
Announcer: No.
Contestant 2: Bush created an unregulated financial market which encouraged over spending in Greece?
Announcer: No, I’m sorry. The answer is more simple. It’s that Bush pissed off the Greek God Apollo.
How did George Bush cause the Obesity epidemic in America?
Contestant 2: Bush secretly has the market cornered on high Fructose Corn Syrup which he forced into every American food product and which is slowly
Beep!
Conestant 2, any guess? No? I’m sorry the answer is People were so upset during the bush years they ate more to swallow their anger.
How did Bush create the decline in Educational standards?
Students saw how stupid Bush was and learned an idiot can succeed. Now they don’t want to study.
Correct.
How was George Bush responsible for the Earthquake in Haiti
Contestant 1: Bush ignored the scientific consensus of Global Warming that lead to atmospheric instabilities and destabilized the tectonic plates?
Announcer: No
Contesant 2: Bush has an earthquake machine.
Announcer: Well, Bush does have an earthquake machine, but he did not use it in Haiti.
The answer to how did George Bush cause the earthquake in Haiti is Voodoo.
Voodoo.
Iraqi Contestant 2: Dick Cheney sold them the uranium and built the reactors!
Afghanistan Contestant 2: Bush ignored Afghanistan as he was distracted by the Vietnam like quagmire in Iraq.
Announcer: Excellent. OK, Now the questions get harder.
How was George W. Bush responsible for The BP Oil Spill in the Gulf of Mexico?
Contestant 1: Bush was in bed with the oil industry so he could make his oil buddies rich. They cut corners and programmed the leak to occur 450 days after Obama took office.
Announcer: Oooh, close, but not enough.
Contestant 2: Bush OKed drilling in the gulf and falsified safety reports to make his oil buddies rich?
Announcer: No, it’s true that George Bush did want to make his oil buddies rich, but the Oil spill happened because he buried a nuclear bomb in the gulf and programmed it to exploded in 2010 hoping it would cause a tidal wave and finish off all of the black people who made it through Katrina. OK, let’s try again. How was Bush responsible for the Greek economic crisis?
Contestant 1: Bush forced them to host the Olympics in 2002 and caused a financial domino effect which may devalue the Europe and cause the collapse of the European Union.
Announcer: No.
Contestant 2: Bush created an unregulated financial market which encouraged over spending in Greece?
Announcer: No, I’m sorry. The answer is more simple. It’s that Bush pissed off the Greek God Apollo.
How did George Bush cause the Obesity epidemic in America?
Contestant 2: Bush secretly has the market cornered on high Fructose Corn Syrup which he forced into every American food product and which is slowly
Beep!
Conestant 2, any guess? No? I’m sorry the answer is People were so upset during the bush years they ate more to swallow their anger.
How did Bush create the decline in Educational standards?
Students saw how stupid Bush was and learned an idiot can succeed. Now they don’t want to study.
Correct.
How was George Bush responsible for the Earthquake in Haiti
Contestant 1: Bush ignored the scientific consensus of Global Warming that lead to atmospheric instabilities and destabilized the tectonic plates?
Announcer: No
Contesant 2: Bush has an earthquake machine.
Announcer: Well, Bush does have an earthquake machine, but he did not use it in Haiti.
The answer to how did George Bush cause the earthquake in Haiti is Voodoo.
Voodoo.
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Obama is resorting to threats to pass health care.
Obama discusses Risks of not passing Healthcare Reform
In an interview with MSNBC President Obama discussed the possible grim repercussions of not passing his Healthcare bill.
What the American people don't understand is the gravity of our position.
If we don't pass Healthcare reform horrible things will happen to our country.
We need to reign in our health care costs so we can continue to wage our secret war on the aliens. Did I let that slip? Aw heck, the cat is out of the bag now. In all candor, the money we save on healthcare could be used to finance our war against the invading sucker-beast monsters from Outer Space. Now, I didn't want to bring this up because I didnt want to alarm the public, but if we dont pass healthcare soon, American could be taken over by aliens that eat children and puppies.
Also, if we dont have government run healthcare, we wont be able to secretly vaccinate people from the new super virulent strain of flesh eating squirrel flu. Unfortunately, 90% of the population has it. We didn't tell anyone because we didnt want to cause a panic. But the flesh eating squirrel flu exists and you all have it. Unless we get you the government sponsored vaccine you will all start dying eventually. Probably before 2012. Those who don't die right away will become homosexuals. Now, do you see why Gay Marriage is so important?
I've tried to play softball with you people but you just dont get it. We need gov't health care. If we don't get it Global Warming, children eating Sucker Beasts from Space and Flesh Eating, gay-making Squirrel flu will kill us all.
Call your congressional representative and tell him you want govt run healthcare. Call them now before your skin falls off, aliens invade and before you want to start dressing like Liberace and sleeping with Doogie Howser.
In an interview with MSNBC President Obama discussed the possible grim repercussions of not passing his Healthcare bill.
What the American people don't understand is the gravity of our position.
If we don't pass Healthcare reform horrible things will happen to our country.
We need to reign in our health care costs so we can continue to wage our secret war on the aliens. Did I let that slip? Aw heck, the cat is out of the bag now. In all candor, the money we save on healthcare could be used to finance our war against the invading sucker-beast monsters from Outer Space. Now, I didn't want to bring this up because I didnt want to alarm the public, but if we dont pass healthcare soon, American could be taken over by aliens that eat children and puppies.
Also, if we dont have government run healthcare, we wont be able to secretly vaccinate people from the new super virulent strain of flesh eating squirrel flu. Unfortunately, 90% of the population has it. We didn't tell anyone because we didnt want to cause a panic. But the flesh eating squirrel flu exists and you all have it. Unless we get you the government sponsored vaccine you will all start dying eventually. Probably before 2012. Those who don't die right away will become homosexuals. Now, do you see why Gay Marriage is so important?
I've tried to play softball with you people but you just dont get it. We need gov't health care. If we don't get it Global Warming, children eating Sucker Beasts from Space and Flesh Eating, gay-making Squirrel flu will kill us all.
Call your congressional representative and tell him you want govt run healthcare. Call them now before your skin falls off, aliens invade and before you want to start dressing like Liberace and sleeping with Doogie Howser.
Sunday, October 04, 2009
The 11 Rules of Obama
1) If you are against any of his policies you are a racist.
2) If there is a policy of Obama's that is failing, it's Bush's fault.
3) If Obama makes a mistake that cannot be attributed to Bush, it is a teaching moment.
4) All of the disreputable people he wants in government positions are to be Czars to avoid attention to their pasts.
5) Any problems he encounters should be able to be fixed with a really good speech. If that doesn't work, see rule #2.
6) The American people don't know what is good for them. They are to be ignored because after we force our policies through quickly they will eventually see that we were right or by then it will be too late.
7) Being nice to repressive foreign governments will make them like us and do what we want. If that doesn't work, see rule #5, if that fails, fall back on good old #2.
8) Most problems can be fixed with higher taxes. This includes Global Warming, sickness and disease and obesity and the Post Office.
9) The government cannot be too big or control too much of the citizen's life.
10) Capitalism and competition are not as good as government control. The only reason capitalism exists is to provide taxes for government control.
11) Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, uncontrolled Talk Radio and Foxnews are more of a threat to our country than Al Qaeda, terrorism, North Korea or Iran.
2) If there is a policy of Obama's that is failing, it's Bush's fault.
3) If Obama makes a mistake that cannot be attributed to Bush, it is a teaching moment.
4) All of the disreputable people he wants in government positions are to be Czars to avoid attention to their pasts.
5) Any problems he encounters should be able to be fixed with a really good speech. If that doesn't work, see rule #2.
6) The American people don't know what is good for them. They are to be ignored because after we force our policies through quickly they will eventually see that we were right or by then it will be too late.
7) Being nice to repressive foreign governments will make them like us and do what we want. If that doesn't work, see rule #5, if that fails, fall back on good old #2.
8) Most problems can be fixed with higher taxes. This includes Global Warming, sickness and disease and obesity and the Post Office.
9) The government cannot be too big or control too much of the citizen's life.
10) Capitalism and competition are not as good as government control. The only reason capitalism exists is to provide taxes for government control.
11) Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, uncontrolled Talk Radio and Foxnews are more of a threat to our country than Al Qaeda, terrorism, North Korea or Iran.
Sunday, September 06, 2009
Obama's New 8 Hour School Day Schedule
08:00 Pledge of Allegiance to Cuban Flag
08:05 Prayer (to Obama)
08:10 Goose Stepping to the oldies
08:30 Listen to Streisand Tunes.
09:00 Fun with Uncle Mao and Brother Stalin!
10:00 Phys Ed, White kids pick cotton, everyone else whips them.
10:30 Sing 'Dear Leader' to picture of Obama,
11:00 Yoga and Yogurt
11:15 How Global Warming will help bring down Capitalism.
12:00 Lunch - The children are to steal White kids lunch money as wealth redistribution.
12:30 Europe and how they are better than us.
13:00 Eat Algae to reduce your Carbon Footprint.
13:30 Teaching Union workers to intimidate Americans
13:45 Save the Whales by killing Fisherman.
14:00 How to get ahead by blaming Bush
14:30 Religious book burning
14:45 White Guilt and it's benefits.
15:00 Daily Quiz - Minorities get a free 20 points for not being White.
15:15 Tax Evasion for beginners
15:30 Whining to Get Ahead
15:45 Why Freedom of speech is only for us.
16:00 Extra Credit - Watch Oprah.
Friday, September 04, 2009
Hey Obama! Leave those Kids Alone
Obama: Boys I wanna make a statement to the kids of America. I want to speak directly to them.
Communist Czar #1: Fine Mr. President, do you want us to set up a press conference?
Obama: No, that wont do. I need to get them where their parents wont hear what I have to say.
Communist Czar #2: OK, maybe we could go to the Cartoon Channel or Nickelodeon?
Obama: No, no, then I’d have to deal with those FCC regulations.
Communist Czar #1: Mr. President, you’re not going to swear or do anything obscene right?
Obama: Oh no, nothing like that. I just want them to hear my words in a friendly atmosphere. Someplace where there are as few thoughtful adults as possible.
Communist Czar #1: How about moveon.org?
Obama: No, still too risky. How about I broadcast a speech directly into the schools? That way, the only adults who would hear it are teachers. They like us, right?
Communist Czar #2: Oh yes, Mr. President.
Communist Czar #1: Almost as much as trial lawyers.
Obama: Cool. Let’s set it up.
Communist Czar #2: Mr. President, I’m a little concerned with the content of your message. What is the theme?
Obama: Well, I’ve tried to sell my healthcare to their parents for a few months now and as amazing as it seems, the old Obama magic doesn’t seem to be working on them. All of these angry people at the town hall meetings are killing me. The usual blame-it-on-Bush stuff isn’t working. Not even the CIA inquiry. I’m going to have to think outside of the box on this one,
Communist Czar #1: Don’t blame yourself sir, it’s a hard thing to sell.
Communist Czar #2: Yes, we couldn’t get it passed before the recess and now people have had time to read it.
Obama: Yeah, I knew that would be a problem. So I am going to talk directly to the kiddies.
Communist Czar #2: Do you really think they will have an influence in this debate.
Obama: Now, I just want to tell them about the town hall meetings.
Communist Czar #1: Do you expect them to show up and stage a youth oriented counter demonstration for healthcare?
Obama: No, I just want to ask them to hide their parents car keys. Or maybe lie about having a soccer meet or something like that.
Communist Czar #2: So you want them to try to prevent the parents from attending the town hall meeting?
Obama: Well, that and suggest that Santa Claus likes Socialism… I’m just brain storming here guys.
Communist Czar #1: I see the angle. How about we tell them there is a monster under their beds that will eat them if they don’t insist on socialized medicine?
Communist Czar #2: Don’t we have to worry about their teachers?
Obama: Are you kidding, they are all NEA. We could tell the kids to poison their parents and the teachers would go along. But let’s save that for when things get really desperate. Could we get endorsements from some of their favorite celebrities like Scooby Doo and the Power Puff girls.
Communist Czar #2: Those are cartoons sir.
Obama: I know, but maybe we can lean on them a little. Threaten them with audits. Maybe we can take Spongebob hostage?
Communist Czar #2: Sir, I think we need to be a little more subtle.
Communist Czar #1: OK, OK, how about we show them how well Socialized medicine is working in Cuba and France?
Obama: Excellent. Let’s have some animators create a cartoon character. A Hammer and a sickle named Marxie. Marxie shows us how the bourgeois is exploiting the proletariats through a medical system that provides disproportionate health care to the rich.
Communist Czar #2: Sir, that sounds a little too close to Communism.
Obama: Are you kidding, these kids don’t even know what that is. They are all born after 1989! That don’t even know what an 8 track is let alone a collectivist system of government devolving into an oligarchy.
Communist Czar #1: I say we go back to the poison idea.
Obama: Yeah, these people need universal healthcare. They need it no matter what the price. Even if I have to kill most of them to show them how important universal healthcare is. Let’s talk about poisons.
Communist Czar #2: Sir, most Americans have healthcare and 85% are satisfied with it.
Obama: But it is uneven healthcare. Some people have none and some people have too much. We have to spread it around. I’d rather 100% of the people have crappy healthcare than for most to have good healthcare. That’s equality. That is fairness. A classless society based upon equal access and equal suffering, regardless of race, wealth or influence.
Communist Czar #1: But we get to keep our health insurance right?
Obama: Of course, we’re no idiots. My plan is for stupid people. Fuck that shit. If I really believed this crap I wouldn’t be flying around in a helicopter, would I?
Communist Czar #2: Oh thank God.
Obama: Hey! Watch that God talk stuff in here! I can’t wait until we get this damn thing passed. Fucking Sarkozy and that English idiot have been busting my balls over it. (In a falsetto) Haw Haw, why don’t chu Ameericans have equal healthcare? You Americans are so stew peed! I’m tired of them acting so cool and bragging about all of the control they have over people because of the healthcare.
Communist Czar #2: Sir, that reminds me, Sarkozy wants us to make an appointment for him at John’s Hopkin’s to have a Cat Scan. He may have cancer and he doesn’t trust his doctors.
Communist Czar #1: Fine Mr. President, do you want us to set up a press conference?
Obama: No, that wont do. I need to get them where their parents wont hear what I have to say.
Communist Czar #2: OK, maybe we could go to the Cartoon Channel or Nickelodeon?
Obama: No, no, then I’d have to deal with those FCC regulations.
Communist Czar #1: Mr. President, you’re not going to swear or do anything obscene right?
Obama: Oh no, nothing like that. I just want them to hear my words in a friendly atmosphere. Someplace where there are as few thoughtful adults as possible.
Communist Czar #1: How about moveon.org?
Obama: No, still too risky. How about I broadcast a speech directly into the schools? That way, the only adults who would hear it are teachers. They like us, right?
Communist Czar #2: Oh yes, Mr. President.
Communist Czar #1: Almost as much as trial lawyers.
Obama: Cool. Let’s set it up.
Communist Czar #2: Mr. President, I’m a little concerned with the content of your message. What is the theme?
Obama: Well, I’ve tried to sell my healthcare to their parents for a few months now and as amazing as it seems, the old Obama magic doesn’t seem to be working on them. All of these angry people at the town hall meetings are killing me. The usual blame-it-on-Bush stuff isn’t working. Not even the CIA inquiry. I’m going to have to think outside of the box on this one,
Communist Czar #1: Don’t blame yourself sir, it’s a hard thing to sell.
Communist Czar #2: Yes, we couldn’t get it passed before the recess and now people have had time to read it.
Obama: Yeah, I knew that would be a problem. So I am going to talk directly to the kiddies.
Communist Czar #2: Do you really think they will have an influence in this debate.
Obama: Now, I just want to tell them about the town hall meetings.
Communist Czar #1: Do you expect them to show up and stage a youth oriented counter demonstration for healthcare?
Obama: No, I just want to ask them to hide their parents car keys. Or maybe lie about having a soccer meet or something like that.
Communist Czar #2: So you want them to try to prevent the parents from attending the town hall meeting?
Obama: Well, that and suggest that Santa Claus likes Socialism… I’m just brain storming here guys.
Communist Czar #1: I see the angle. How about we tell them there is a monster under their beds that will eat them if they don’t insist on socialized medicine?
Communist Czar #2: Don’t we have to worry about their teachers?
Obama: Are you kidding, they are all NEA. We could tell the kids to poison their parents and the teachers would go along. But let’s save that for when things get really desperate. Could we get endorsements from some of their favorite celebrities like Scooby Doo and the Power Puff girls.
Communist Czar #2: Those are cartoons sir.
Obama: I know, but maybe we can lean on them a little. Threaten them with audits. Maybe we can take Spongebob hostage?
Communist Czar #2: Sir, I think we need to be a little more subtle.
Communist Czar #1: OK, OK, how about we show them how well Socialized medicine is working in Cuba and France?
Obama: Excellent. Let’s have some animators create a cartoon character. A Hammer and a sickle named Marxie. Marxie shows us how the bourgeois is exploiting the proletariats through a medical system that provides disproportionate health care to the rich.
Communist Czar #2: Sir, that sounds a little too close to Communism.
Obama: Are you kidding, these kids don’t even know what that is. They are all born after 1989! That don’t even know what an 8 track is let alone a collectivist system of government devolving into an oligarchy.
Communist Czar #1: I say we go back to the poison idea.
Obama: Yeah, these people need universal healthcare. They need it no matter what the price. Even if I have to kill most of them to show them how important universal healthcare is. Let’s talk about poisons.
Communist Czar #2: Sir, most Americans have healthcare and 85% are satisfied with it.
Obama: But it is uneven healthcare. Some people have none and some people have too much. We have to spread it around. I’d rather 100% of the people have crappy healthcare than for most to have good healthcare. That’s equality. That is fairness. A classless society based upon equal access and equal suffering, regardless of race, wealth or influence.
Communist Czar #1: But we get to keep our health insurance right?
Obama: Of course, we’re no idiots. My plan is for stupid people. Fuck that shit. If I really believed this crap I wouldn’t be flying around in a helicopter, would I?
Communist Czar #2: Oh thank God.
Obama: Hey! Watch that God talk stuff in here! I can’t wait until we get this damn thing passed. Fucking Sarkozy and that English idiot have been busting my balls over it. (In a falsetto) Haw Haw, why don’t chu Ameericans have equal healthcare? You Americans are so stew peed! I’m tired of them acting so cool and bragging about all of the control they have over people because of the healthcare.
Communist Czar #2: Sir, that reminds me, Sarkozy wants us to make an appointment for him at John’s Hopkin’s to have a Cat Scan. He may have cancer and he doesn’t trust his doctors.
Tuesday, September 01, 2009
Obama's Delima with the passing of Ted Kennedy
1st Aide: Sir, we’ve just received word from Hyannisport than Sen Kennedy is on his last legs. He is not expected to make it through the night.
Obama: Say WHAT?!
2nd Aide: Unfortunately, it’s true sir. Our doctors have looked at the data and they confirm the prognosis.
Obama: Hey guys, I aint trying to hear that ok. Between these crazy old people in the town hall meetings and my approval numbers Kennedy dropping out on me now is unacceptable.
1st Aide: I know sir. We have had a rough August.
2nd Aide: I agree, but there is little we can do about this.
Obama: Look gentlemens, I need that fat bastard up and around. I need him to make one last triumphant entry into the Senate chamber to rouse enthusiasm for our Healthcare plan. You guys guaranteed me he’d last until November. OK, so I’m holding you to it.
2nd Aide: Sir, we all thought he would make it. It is disappointing.
1st Aide: Not even MSNBC can help us with this one. Unfortunately, the Senator is too sick to leave bed. He’s in a coma now.
Obama: Aw no. No no no no no. You guys are going to fix this.
1st Aide: Sir, he is currently bleeding from the mouth and convulsing. I have been told that he will not regain consciousness.
Obama: No, you punks are going to get me Kennedy. You are going to have him walk into the Senate chamber, give a thumbs up and then the sucker could die on the floor for all I care.
2nd Aide: That would be very dramatic. And it would be a fitting end for the Liberal Lion. Dying on the floor of the Senate.
1st Aide: Guys it’s much worse than that. The man is pretty much dead right now. It’s just a matter of time.
Obama: Wheel the son of a bitch in in a wheelchair. We could put sticks on his arms like they do with those muppets.
1st Aide: Sir, I acknowledge we really need Senator Kennedy right now. Even his appearance at the Senate would be a great symbol for our Healthcare take over bill. But the man can’t do it. Let’s just let him die in peace.
Obama: What about the Disneyland guys?
1st Aide: Sir?
Obama: Those animatronic guys. We could hire them to hook up some gizmos and have Kennedy walk around and such. Hell, I saw them do it to Lincoln in that thing in Orlando.
2nd Aide: You mean you want us to take the senator’s dead body and let engineers apply cybernetic devices that would enable the Senator to walk into the chamber?
Obama: And give the thumbs up. Hell they could even make him talk. They can use the same voice that that Stephen Hawkings guy uses. The black hole guy. Allah! Do I have to think of everythings with you people?!
1st Aide: Sir, let’s look at this from another angle. After he dies, you could deliver a rousing eulogy. You could use the Teleprompter to rally the troops.
2nd Aide: Yes, we could even name the bill after Senator Kennedy.
Obama: You want to call it Chappaquidick Care? Man, you guys are stupid! Get Disney on the phone! Unfreeze the main guy if you haves to. I want to have a Robo-Kennedy ready to go within 72 hours. Make it happen.
2nd Aide: Sir, there are other issues. For instance, his family and the doctors will know the truth. I don’t think we could guarantee their silence. Plus, dead bodies smell.
Obama: Just splash some Brut on him. Hell the old fart wore it all the time anyway.
1st Aide: Sir, I know our Healthcare control bill is having trouble, but I just cant see how parading a dead body into the Senate, splashing cologne on it and using it like a muppet to give a thumbs up is going to help stop the public from rejecting our bill.
Obama: BUSH!
2nd Aide: Sir?
Obama: Bush, motherfucka! You bastards used to work for Bush didn’t ya?
2nd Aide: What?
Obama: Say What again! Say what again! I dare you! I double dare you motherfucka! Say What one more time?
1st Aide: Sir, we have been your aides for the last 5 years. We never worked for the Bush family.
Obama: Does he look like a bitch?
2nd Aide: What?
Obama takes out a gun and shoots the 2nd aide.
Obama: Does George Bush look like a bitch!
1st aide: Oh no, not again. (Speaking into cell phone) yeah, he did it again. Please get the medics to the oval office. Sir, you are not Samuel L. Jackson.
Obama: Unless you get me a RoboKennedy I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger.
2nd Aide: That crazy idiot shot me!
1st Aide: Medics are on the way.
Obama: And you will know I AM OBAMA when I lay my vengeance upon THEE!
Obama: Say WHAT?!
2nd Aide: Unfortunately, it’s true sir. Our doctors have looked at the data and they confirm the prognosis.
Obama: Hey guys, I aint trying to hear that ok. Between these crazy old people in the town hall meetings and my approval numbers Kennedy dropping out on me now is unacceptable.
1st Aide: I know sir. We have had a rough August.
2nd Aide: I agree, but there is little we can do about this.
Obama: Look gentlemens, I need that fat bastard up and around. I need him to make one last triumphant entry into the Senate chamber to rouse enthusiasm for our Healthcare plan. You guys guaranteed me he’d last until November. OK, so I’m holding you to it.
2nd Aide: Sir, we all thought he would make it. It is disappointing.
1st Aide: Not even MSNBC can help us with this one. Unfortunately, the Senator is too sick to leave bed. He’s in a coma now.
Obama: Aw no. No no no no no. You guys are going to fix this.
1st Aide: Sir, he is currently bleeding from the mouth and convulsing. I have been told that he will not regain consciousness.
Obama: No, you punks are going to get me Kennedy. You are going to have him walk into the Senate chamber, give a thumbs up and then the sucker could die on the floor for all I care.
2nd Aide: That would be very dramatic. And it would be a fitting end for the Liberal Lion. Dying on the floor of the Senate.
1st Aide: Guys it’s much worse than that. The man is pretty much dead right now. It’s just a matter of time.
Obama: Wheel the son of a bitch in in a wheelchair. We could put sticks on his arms like they do with those muppets.
1st Aide: Sir, I acknowledge we really need Senator Kennedy right now. Even his appearance at the Senate would be a great symbol for our Healthcare take over bill. But the man can’t do it. Let’s just let him die in peace.
Obama: What about the Disneyland guys?
1st Aide: Sir?
Obama: Those animatronic guys. We could hire them to hook up some gizmos and have Kennedy walk around and such. Hell, I saw them do it to Lincoln in that thing in Orlando.
2nd Aide: You mean you want us to take the senator’s dead body and let engineers apply cybernetic devices that would enable the Senator to walk into the chamber?
Obama: And give the thumbs up. Hell they could even make him talk. They can use the same voice that that Stephen Hawkings guy uses. The black hole guy. Allah! Do I have to think of everythings with you people?!
1st Aide: Sir, let’s look at this from another angle. After he dies, you could deliver a rousing eulogy. You could use the Teleprompter to rally the troops.
2nd Aide: Yes, we could even name the bill after Senator Kennedy.
Obama: You want to call it Chappaquidick Care? Man, you guys are stupid! Get Disney on the phone! Unfreeze the main guy if you haves to. I want to have a Robo-Kennedy ready to go within 72 hours. Make it happen.
2nd Aide: Sir, there are other issues. For instance, his family and the doctors will know the truth. I don’t think we could guarantee their silence. Plus, dead bodies smell.
Obama: Just splash some Brut on him. Hell the old fart wore it all the time anyway.
1st Aide: Sir, I know our Healthcare control bill is having trouble, but I just cant see how parading a dead body into the Senate, splashing cologne on it and using it like a muppet to give a thumbs up is going to help stop the public from rejecting our bill.
Obama: BUSH!
2nd Aide: Sir?
Obama: Bush, motherfucka! You bastards used to work for Bush didn’t ya?
2nd Aide: What?
Obama: Say What again! Say what again! I dare you! I double dare you motherfucka! Say What one more time?
1st Aide: Sir, we have been your aides for the last 5 years. We never worked for the Bush family.
Obama: Does he look like a bitch?
2nd Aide: What?
Obama takes out a gun and shoots the 2nd aide.
Obama: Does George Bush look like a bitch!
1st aide: Oh no, not again. (Speaking into cell phone) yeah, he did it again. Please get the medics to the oval office. Sir, you are not Samuel L. Jackson.
Obama: Unless you get me a RoboKennedy I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger.
2nd Aide: That crazy idiot shot me!
1st Aide: Medics are on the way.
Obama: And you will know I AM OBAMA when I lay my vengeance upon THEE!
Wednesday, August 05, 2009
Eep, er... Keep Blaiming Whitey
You can only keep blaming whitey for so long.
They have had many generations now to correct a common cultural speech impediment, as well as other things that generally plague their demographic, like crime, teenage pregnancy, drug abuse, gangbanging, and so on. If you think that the white man is still deliberately keeping them down, forcing them to make really poor music about bitches and ho's and street life, coercing them into coming up with bizarre linguistic metaphors such as adding "-izzle" to every noun and replacing the "s" after every plural word with "z", and if you think that whitey is leaving them no choice but to give their daughters bizarre names like Shaquanda, Taniqua, LeTaQuisha, Lavitra and Cialis and God knows what else, then something is seriously, seriously wrong with you.
Granted, many blacks do make something of themselves, and do lead successful lives, and do contribute to society and to their country. Black History Month illustrates great examples of individuals who have done it. However, a large majority still live in squalor or on the government's check, and are still singing the same tune of "It's Whitey's Fault". Sooner or later people will see you for what you are, and you can only pass up opportunity after opportunity to become better before no one takes you seriously anymore. Some stereotypes exist for a reason, you know. The way to get rid of them isn't to play the "racist" card, but to do something about it to make sure that you don't fit the stereotype. Take responsibility for your problems and stop blaming them on others who really don't have anything to do with them.
Just because something is marketable doesn't make it a good thing, or make it right. It's a known fact that younger people are less experienced, more impressionable, and more naive than those who have been around longer and know more about what the world is really like. Cigarettes are very, very marketable, and what benefit do they serve? In what way do they help you or others around you? The problem is that people only selectively like to question the world around them. They have no problem criticizing and questioning every minute thing of those they dislike or disagree with, but will waste no time in defending and justifying themselves, and their own shortcomings. If the rap/hiphop genre had linguistic substance, if it benefited its listeners in some way, you probably wouldn't be hearing this argument from so many people. Rap, hip-hop, pop music, and most everything else you hear most prevalently on the radio, in movies, and in commercials are just that: commercial. They're based on market research, and created thus. Very little true creativity is involved, and where rap is concerned, certainly no true musical creativity. How many instruments does your average rapper play? Can he even read music? Most rap music sounds the same: a simple, annoyingly repetitive beat with off-key, off-beat, mostly unintelligible mumblings about the same things, over and over and over. Always about gangstas, guns, bitches, pimps, death, the street. Yeah, that's really wholesome stuff you're pumping into people's heads there, what a great way to improve quality of life and help get rid of the very same things these people make millions "singing" about. But then, to question popular culture is to be branded a racist/bigot/every other usual insult in the PC book.
They have had many generations now to correct a common cultural speech impediment, as well as other things that generally plague their demographic, like crime, teenage pregnancy, drug abuse, gangbanging, and so on. If you think that the white man is still deliberately keeping them down, forcing them to make really poor music about bitches and ho's and street life, coercing them into coming up with bizarre linguistic metaphors such as adding "-izzle" to every noun and replacing the "s" after every plural word with "z", and if you think that whitey is leaving them no choice but to give their daughters bizarre names like Shaquanda, Taniqua, LeTaQuisha, Lavitra and Cialis and God knows what else, then something is seriously, seriously wrong with you.
Granted, many blacks do make something of themselves, and do lead successful lives, and do contribute to society and to their country. Black History Month illustrates great examples of individuals who have done it. However, a large majority still live in squalor or on the government's check, and are still singing the same tune of "It's Whitey's Fault". Sooner or later people will see you for what you are, and you can only pass up opportunity after opportunity to become better before no one takes you seriously anymore. Some stereotypes exist for a reason, you know. The way to get rid of them isn't to play the "racist" card, but to do something about it to make sure that you don't fit the stereotype. Take responsibility for your problems and stop blaming them on others who really don't have anything to do with them.
Just because something is marketable doesn't make it a good thing, or make it right. It's a known fact that younger people are less experienced, more impressionable, and more naive than those who have been around longer and know more about what the world is really like. Cigarettes are very, very marketable, and what benefit do they serve? In what way do they help you or others around you? The problem is that people only selectively like to question the world around them. They have no problem criticizing and questioning every minute thing of those they dislike or disagree with, but will waste no time in defending and justifying themselves, and their own shortcomings. If the rap/hiphop genre had linguistic substance, if it benefited its listeners in some way, you probably wouldn't be hearing this argument from so many people. Rap, hip-hop, pop music, and most everything else you hear most prevalently on the radio, in movies, and in commercials are just that: commercial. They're based on market research, and created thus. Very little true creativity is involved, and where rap is concerned, certainly no true musical creativity. How many instruments does your average rapper play? Can he even read music? Most rap music sounds the same: a simple, annoyingly repetitive beat with off-key, off-beat, mostly unintelligible mumblings about the same things, over and over and over. Always about gangstas, guns, bitches, pimps, death, the street. Yeah, that's really wholesome stuff you're pumping into people's heads there, what a great way to improve quality of life and help get rid of the very same things these people make millions "singing" about. But then, to question popular culture is to be branded a racist/bigot/every other usual insult in the PC book.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
History was Made Today (1/20/09)
Today is the day Obama was sworn in and today was the day Democrats asked us to join together and set aside partisan differences.
Today was the day President Bush was booed as he arrived at the inauguration.
Today was when at the Benediction at Obama's inauguration,
the Rev. Joseph Lowery said the following:
'Lord, in the memory of all the saints who from their labors rest, and in the joy of a new beginning, we ask you to help us work for that day when black will not be asked to get in back, when brown can stick around... when the red man can get ahead, man; and when white will embrace what is right. That all those who do justice and love mercy say Amen. Say Amen'...
"Yes, please join us, please stop fighting our wishes. Join us in tolerant coexistence. But know that we hate you, we hate what you stand for and all White people have to stop doing what is wrong and do what is right".
For years, Democrats have done everything to savage our President and his supporters. They manipulated media stories, they mocked us on every late night talk show. They made fools, undeserving, of our leaders. The mocked us for believing in God. They made full length feature films deriding us and the Liberal critics hailed them as genius, granting them Oscars, Emmys and Nobel prizes. And now, a majority of people think America is bad.
They rewrote history so that it fit their world view. They misinformed a generation of college students. They worshiped anyone who wasnt White and blamed White people for anything they deemed lacking in quality. The gave preferential treatment to some based upon race and discriminated against others based upon race.
They always pretended to be absolutely sure of their ideals, even when it was impossible to determine their validity, saying, "There is no God" and slandering those who dared to disagree. How could they even pretend to know?
But now they tell us, now that their guy is in charge, now is the time for us Republicans and Conservatives to give up and admit we were wrong; White must embrace what is right. As if we never did this before.
Well we are not wrong. Our views, our beliefs have meaning and value. We will not stand by and let the Democrats try to force the world to fit their preconceived ideals. We will not go along. We will not help them.
Screw you Obama. I couldn't care if you were Black, Red, White or Zebra Striped. I'm not going along with anything you say unless it passes the test of my ideals. I will not give you a free ride on anything. You are a Black man, big deal. I'm not going to agree to anything because you are Black. I'm not going to agree to anything unless it makes sense. I will not jump on the Bandwagon no matter how well written your speeches are. I will only support you when I agree with you and when I feel it is the best for the country.
In the meantime, I intend to give your Presidency the exact same amount of respect your people gave my President.
Welcome to the White House, now get to work.
Today was the day President Bush was booed as he arrived at the inauguration.
Today was when at the Benediction at Obama's inauguration,
the Rev. Joseph Lowery said the following:
'Lord, in the memory of all the saints who from their labors rest, and in the joy of a new beginning, we ask you to help us work for that day when black will not be asked to get in back, when brown can stick around... when the red man can get ahead, man; and when white will embrace what is right. That all those who do justice and love mercy say Amen. Say Amen'...
"Yes, please join us, please stop fighting our wishes. Join us in tolerant coexistence. But know that we hate you, we hate what you stand for and all White people have to stop doing what is wrong and do what is right".
For years, Democrats have done everything to savage our President and his supporters. They manipulated media stories, they mocked us on every late night talk show. They made fools, undeserving, of our leaders. The mocked us for believing in God. They made full length feature films deriding us and the Liberal critics hailed them as genius, granting them Oscars, Emmys and Nobel prizes. And now, a majority of people think America is bad.
They rewrote history so that it fit their world view. They misinformed a generation of college students. They worshiped anyone who wasnt White and blamed White people for anything they deemed lacking in quality. The gave preferential treatment to some based upon race and discriminated against others based upon race.
They always pretended to be absolutely sure of their ideals, even when it was impossible to determine their validity, saying, "There is no God" and slandering those who dared to disagree. How could they even pretend to know?
But now they tell us, now that their guy is in charge, now is the time for us Republicans and Conservatives to give up and admit we were wrong; White must embrace what is right. As if we never did this before.
Well we are not wrong. Our views, our beliefs have meaning and value. We will not stand by and let the Democrats try to force the world to fit their preconceived ideals. We will not go along. We will not help them.
Screw you Obama. I couldn't care if you were Black, Red, White or Zebra Striped. I'm not going along with anything you say unless it passes the test of my ideals. I will not give you a free ride on anything. You are a Black man, big deal. I'm not going to agree to anything because you are Black. I'm not going to agree to anything unless it makes sense. I will not jump on the Bandwagon no matter how well written your speeches are. I will only support you when I agree with you and when I feel it is the best for the country.
In the meantime, I intend to give your Presidency the exact same amount of respect your people gave my President.
Welcome to the White House, now get to work.
Tuesday, December 09, 2008
Drill Baby Drill
How Democrats and Liberals can block drilling for oil in our own country is beyond me.
It’s almost as if they are being paid by OPEC.
It’s almost as if they want us to continue to pay more money for gas.
It’s as if they want to hurt our economy and take more of our money.
It’s as if they want us to rely on terrorist regimes.
It’s as if they want us to keep making these regimes richer and more powerful.
Nancy Pelosi said she will not allow drilling because Bush’s energy policy was a failure, but the no off shore drilling ban has been in place for decades.
The Artic National Wildlife Refuge is 2000 acres, an area smaller than the Atlanta airport and we are not allowed to get our own oil out of the ground because it may upset the breeding grounds of several animals. So it is more important for Caribou to have a place to get laid than it is for us to be more energy independent.
They point out that it will take years before the oil hits the market. This is what President Clinton said in 1995. If he had allowed the oil drilling back then, we would have had the oil years ago.
Yes, oil is dirty and ideally we would like a feasible, cleaner energy source, but until viable alternate energy sources are found we are stuck with using oil.
Democrats, you were wrong about drilling and you must admit it. The stakes are too high for you to be proud. Bush was wrong about Weapons of Mass Destruction in Iraq, you guys have no trouble reminding him.
Now, we are reminding you about your failed policy and you must admit your error and move on. Just like you were wrong about 30 years of Welfare.
We have oil in this country. You are not allowing us to claim it. Your hubris is now endangering our safety.
In spite of the bad economy, in spite of slow progress in Iraq, in spite of the Media campaign against Republicans and in spite of the Media’s ridiculous, laughably obvious bias for Obama I am still voting Republican this year.
I believe the Republicans truly want what is best for this country on most issues. I cannot say the same for Democrats. They are blinded by their beliefs and will not acknowledge any information which challenges or even disproves their world view. They are living in a fantasy land.
It’s almost as if they are being paid by OPEC.
It’s almost as if they want us to continue to pay more money for gas.
It’s as if they want to hurt our economy and take more of our money.
It’s as if they want us to rely on terrorist regimes.
It’s as if they want us to keep making these regimes richer and more powerful.
Nancy Pelosi said she will not allow drilling because Bush’s energy policy was a failure, but the no off shore drilling ban has been in place for decades.
The Artic National Wildlife Refuge is 2000 acres, an area smaller than the Atlanta airport and we are not allowed to get our own oil out of the ground because it may upset the breeding grounds of several animals. So it is more important for Caribou to have a place to get laid than it is for us to be more energy independent.
They point out that it will take years before the oil hits the market. This is what President Clinton said in 1995. If he had allowed the oil drilling back then, we would have had the oil years ago.
Yes, oil is dirty and ideally we would like a feasible, cleaner energy source, but until viable alternate energy sources are found we are stuck with using oil.
Democrats, you were wrong about drilling and you must admit it. The stakes are too high for you to be proud. Bush was wrong about Weapons of Mass Destruction in Iraq, you guys have no trouble reminding him.
Now, we are reminding you about your failed policy and you must admit your error and move on. Just like you were wrong about 30 years of Welfare.
We have oil in this country. You are not allowing us to claim it. Your hubris is now endangering our safety.
In spite of the bad economy, in spite of slow progress in Iraq, in spite of the Media campaign against Republicans and in spite of the Media’s ridiculous, laughably obvious bias for Obama I am still voting Republican this year.
I believe the Republicans truly want what is best for this country on most issues. I cannot say the same for Democrats. They are blinded by their beliefs and will not acknowledge any information which challenges or even disproves their world view. They are living in a fantasy land.
Thursday, July 17, 2008
HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR 2029
Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia
White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia's third language
Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock
Baby conceived naturally! Scientists stumped
Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage
Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years for radioactivity to decrease to safe levels
France pleads for global help after being invaded by Jamaica. No other countries come forward to help
Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking
George Z Bush says he will run for President in 2036
Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only
85-year $75.8 billion study: Diet and exercise are the keys to weight loss
Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.
Global cooling blamed for citrus crop failure for third consecutive year in Mexifornia and Floruba
Free abortion clinics now available in every High School in United States
Senate still blocking drilling in ANWR even though regular gas is selling for 4532 pesos per liter and filling stations are open only on Tuesdays and Fridays
Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative
Supreme Court rules punishment of convicted criminals violates their civil rights
Average height of NBA players is now nine feet, seven inches
New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2030
IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent
Floruba voters still having trouble with voting machines
White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia's third language
Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock
Baby conceived naturally! Scientists stumped
Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage
Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years for radioactivity to decrease to safe levels
France pleads for global help after being invaded by Jamaica. No other countries come forward to help
Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking
George Z Bush says he will run for President in 2036
Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only
85-year $75.8 billion study: Diet and exercise are the keys to weight loss
Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.
Global cooling blamed for citrus crop failure for third consecutive year in Mexifornia and Floruba
Free abortion clinics now available in every High School in United States
Senate still blocking drilling in ANWR even though regular gas is selling for 4532 pesos per liter and filling stations are open only on Tuesdays and Fridays
Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative
Supreme Court rules punishment of convicted criminals violates their civil rights
Average height of NBA players is now nine feet, seven inches
New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2030
IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent
Floruba voters still having trouble with voting machines
Wednesday, November 08, 2006
First Evening Under New Democrat Rule
7:00 P.M. Opening flag burning.
7:15 P.M. Pledge of Allegiance to the United Nations.
7:30 PM. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
7:30 till 8:00 P.M. Nonreligious prayer and worship: Jessie Jackson and Al Sharpton.
8:00 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
8:05 P.M Ceremonial tree hugging.
8:15- 8:30 P.M. Gay Wedding: Barney Frank, presiding.
8:30 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
8:35 P.M. Free Saddam Rally: Cindy Sheehan, Susan Sarandon.
9:00 P.M. Keynote speech: "The Proper Etiquette for Surrender",French President Jacques Chirac.
9:15 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
9:20 P.M. Collection to benefit Osama Bin Laden Kidney Transplant Fund.
9:30 P.M. Unveiling of plan to free freedom fighters from Guantanamo Bay: Sean Penn.
9:40 P.M. Why I hate the Military: A short talk by William Jefferson Clinton.
9:45 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
9:50 P.M. Dan Rather receives "Truth in Broadcasting" award, presented by Michael Moore.
9:55 P.M., Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
10:00 P.M. Presentation: "How George Bush and Donald Rumsfeld brought down the World Trade Center Towers", by Howard Dean.
10:30 P.M. Nomination of Hillary Rodham Clinton for President by Mahmud Ahnadinejad.
11:00 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
11:05 P.M. Al Gore reinvents the Internet.
11:15 P.M. "Our Troops are War Criminals", presented by John Kerry.
11:30 P.M Coronation of Mrs. Hillary Rodham Clinton.
12:00 AM. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
12:05 A.M Bill asks Ted to drive Hillary home.
7:15 P.M. Pledge of Allegiance to the United Nations.
7:30 PM. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
7:30 till 8:00 P.M. Nonreligious prayer and worship: Jessie Jackson and Al Sharpton.
8:00 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
8:05 P.M Ceremonial tree hugging.
8:15- 8:30 P.M. Gay Wedding: Barney Frank, presiding.
8:30 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
8:35 P.M. Free Saddam Rally: Cindy Sheehan, Susan Sarandon.
9:00 P.M. Keynote speech: "The Proper Etiquette for Surrender",French President Jacques Chirac.
9:15 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
9:20 P.M. Collection to benefit Osama Bin Laden Kidney Transplant Fund.
9:30 P.M. Unveiling of plan to free freedom fighters from Guantanamo Bay: Sean Penn.
9:40 P.M. Why I hate the Military: A short talk by William Jefferson Clinton.
9:45 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
9:50 P.M. Dan Rather receives "Truth in Broadcasting" award, presented by Michael Moore.
9:55 P.M., Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
10:00 P.M. Presentation: "How George Bush and Donald Rumsfeld brought down the World Trade Center Towers", by Howard Dean.
10:30 P.M. Nomination of Hillary Rodham Clinton for President by Mahmud Ahnadinejad.
11:00 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
11:05 P.M. Al Gore reinvents the Internet.
11:15 P.M. "Our Troops are War Criminals", presented by John Kerry.
11:30 P.M Coronation of Mrs. Hillary Rodham Clinton.
12:00 AM. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
12:05 A.M Bill asks Ted to drive Hillary home.
Friday, October 20, 2006
Me and my Homies
Dis is me and my homies
And dis is how we rides
Me in shades, looking Ghetto
Surrounded by tough squinty eyes
We’re crazy Loc Koreans
Aint no other Asians badder
And not having any food for 4 years
Has only made us Madder
I’m the absolute leader of North Korea
And my citizens think I’m holy
Now that we blew up a nuclear Bomb
The American Media will HAVE to forget about Mark Foley!
I’ll bitchslap Japan, I’ll jack South Korea
I’ll hit Thailand so hard
She’ll sneeze diahhrea
So listen up Ya’ll and hear what I’m saying
Cause my hungry crazy ass aint even playing
I want McDoanlds, Taco Bell, Burger Kings and no hassle
I’ll take Denny’s and Arbys and even a sh!tty White Castle
You all are gonna be in a whole lot of trouble
Unless I gets my Big Macs delivered here on the double
I want crumb cakes and peanuts and Hostess Ho Hos
Build me a 500 galloon maple syrup tank and I’ll suck it all through a hose
People aint thinking I’m Lincoln
when there aint no water to be drinking
People aint kissing my ass
when they’re forced to eat grass
So listen up bitches, you didn’t figure
On this crazy ass asian nigga
with his finga on da trigga
Send us some food or send a whole diner
Or we’ll do a driveby on Seoul, Tokyo or China!
Monday, April 10, 2006
Ignorant Intruders
Pico look up message from past leader, Pico find following:
"In the first place, we should insist that if the immigrant who comes here in good faith becomes an American and assimilates himself to us, He shall be treated on an exact equality with everyone else, for it is an outrage to discriminate against any such man because of creed, or birthplace, or origin. But this is predicated upon the person's Becoming in every facet an American, and nothing but an American...There can be no divided allegiance here. Any man who says he is an American, but something else also, isn't an American at all. We have room for but one flag, the American flag... We have room for but one language here, and that is the English language ... and we have room for but one sole loyalty and that is a loyalty to the American people."
Theodore Roosevelt 1907
"In the first place, we should insist that if the immigrant who comes here in good faith becomes an American and assimilates himself to us, He shall be treated on an exact equality with everyone else, for it is an outrage to discriminate against any such man because of creed, or birthplace, or origin. But this is predicated upon the person's Becoming in every facet an American, and nothing but an American...There can be no divided allegiance here. Any man who says he is an American, but something else also, isn't an American at all. We have room for but one flag, the American flag... We have room for but one language here, and that is the English language ... and we have room for but one sole loyalty and that is a loyalty to the American people."
Theodore Roosevelt 1907
Wednesday, February 08, 2006
Three More Die in Cartoon Protests!
The Story:
Muslim protests against cartoons depicting the Prophet Mohammad claimed three more lives on Wednesday when Afghan police fired at a crowd trying to storm a U.S. military base. - Source
What other cartoons may make the Muslim Extremist protest?
Let's take a look
Muslim protests against cartoons depicting the Prophet Mohammad claimed three more lives on Wednesday when Afghan police fired at a crowd trying to storm a U.S. military base. - Source
What other cartoons may make the Muslim Extremist protest?
Let's take a look
- The Terrorists are protesting against Bug Bunny when he dresses up like a woman, "He's not a real woman, he's merely a man pretending to be woman and his contant trickery of the duck is a crime against all that is holy!!
- The Terrorists are protesting against Stone Age men who allow their women to walk about without making them wear at least a piece of shale to cover their face is an insult to their people and their religion.
- The Terrorists are all up in arms that Jane should have been sacrificing her expendable life to stop that crazy thing!
- The Terrorists are P.O'd that in over 1000 SuperFriends episodes, The lazy Wonder Twins never adapted to the powers of a goat.
- 10,000 Terrorists Agree, Hadji needs more face time in Johnny Quest!
- Terrorists threaten to kidnap Barbara Walters and muss up her makeup unless the three girls in Josie and the pussycats wear more clothing.
- Terrorists demand that Lucy finally let Charlie brown kick the football.
- Terrorists are extremely upset with the Roadrunner and ACME Corporation, demand restitution for coyote.
- Terrorists demand that Barney Rubble gets his own spin-off show. Maybe a variety show like Sonny and Cher. In a worst case he at least gets to host Letterman.
- The terrorists are trying to recruit Quick Draw McGraw to take the place of the #2 man.
- Finally, 100,000 Terrorists agree, American cartoons need more camels.
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