They is on First 2022

Costello: Mr Broadhurst you manage the baseball team, right?
Mr. Broadhurst: Yes, yes I do.
Costello: I'd like you to introduce me to some of those ball players

Mr. Broadhurst: Well, ballplayers today have strange pronouns.
Costello: Pronouns?

Mr. Broadhurst: Yes, you see Well there is They on first, Him is on 2nd and Them is on third.

Costello: They is on first?
Mr. Broadhurst: Yes.
Costello: There are 2 people on 1st base?
Mr. Broadhurst: No, just one
Costello: But its they, that's 2 people
Mr. Broadhurst: No there is only one person playing first base
Costello: So there is one guy playing first then.
Mr. Broadhurst: Oh Theys not a guy.
Costello: Whattaya mean he's not a guy? You've got a girl playing first?
Mr. Broadhurst: Oh.. They isn't a girl either.
Costello: But there's 2 people
Mr. Broadhurst: No there's only one.
Costello: Then it's a guy or a girl?
Mr. Broadhurst:  No. The first basemen is a They.
Costello: A They?
Mr. Broadhurst: Yes.
Costello: They is playing first base?  It's not two people, it's not a guy or a girl, it's a They.
Mr. Broadhurst: Now you've got it.

Costello: I've got nothing! A freaking kangaroo could be playing first for all I know.

Mr. Broadhurst: Well, no. No one identifies as a kangaroo on this team.

Costello: I'm going to move on to 2nd base. Who plays second?
Mr. Broadhurst: Him.
Costello: Him who?
Mr. Broadhurst: Him plays 2nd base.
Costello: OK, so the guy doesnt have a name.
Mr. Broadhurst:  Him is not a guy.
Costello: Him isnt?
Mr. Broadhurst: No.
Costello: And I know Him can't be a girl with a name like Him, right?
Mr. Broadhurst: Right, Him is not a girl or a guy.
Costello: And there is only one person on 2nd, not 2 people like on first?
Mr. Broadhurst: Only 1 person is on first. It's They.

Costello: All I know is these players... they have crazy names.
Mr. Broadhurst: No They is on first.

Costello: We just left first base, now we are on second base,
Mr. Broadhurst: Well you mentioned the players name!
Costello: How could I mention the first players name? I dont even know it.
Mr. Broadhurst:  You said his name!
Costello: I never mentioned him!
Mr. Broadhurst: No, him is on 2nd base.

Mr. Broadhurst: Listen, it's simple, They is on first, Him is on 2nd and Them is on 3rd.
Costello: There we go again, you're going to tell me there arent 2 people playing third.
Mr. Broadhurst: Well there isnt, there is just one. It's Them.
Costello: Now you're going to say it's not a guy or a girl or a kangaroo.
Mr. Broadhurst: No, don't be silly. The thirdbase man is Them.

Costello: Mr. Broadhurst, Im a good catcher.
Mr. Broadhurst: I know.
Costello: Id like to play for your team.
Mr. Broadhurst: Well, maybe that could happen.
Costello: Lets say I'm playing the catcher and the batter bunts the ball. Now, me being a good catcher Im going to throw the ball to first base.
Mr. Broadhurst: And They is going to catch it.
Costello: ONE of them better catch it!
No Wait a minute, Them is on third, you have to throw the ball to first base, not third.
Costello: So I throw it to first and who gets it.
Mr. Broadhurst: They.
Costello: They better get it! But assume They drops the ball and the runner goes to second base. They have to throw the ball to Him, who is not a guy or a girl. Now the runner is safe with Him on second.
Mr. Broadhurst: Yes, it could be.
Costello: Then the next guy hits a single and now there are runners with Him and They.
Mr. Broadhurst: Yes.
Costello: Then the next hitter bunts. I pick up the ball and throw it to they, They throws it to Him and him throws it to Them. A triple play.
Mr. Broadhurst: See! Now you've got it!
Cotello: I dont even know what Im talking about! All I know is that your players arent guys or girls or animals, sometimes there are 2 people playing on a base instead of one and no one has a name that makes any sense. Mr Broadhurst, we cannot play baseball.
Oh,  yes we can.
Costello: No, we cannot. We cannot play baseball.
Mr. Broadhurst: Are you kidding, We is one of the best players on our team. We is our shortstop.