THE BP OIL SPILL IS RACIST!

The Oil Spill is attempting to alienate voters from Obama. It is deliberating trying to divert attention from all of Obama’s many achievements in the 500 odd days since he took office. The only way the Oil Spill can win is by being ‘The Oil Spill of No’. It adds nothing to the political argument. It only focuses on the negative and only employs the evil tactics it learned from George Bush. (May Allah condemn him.)

BLACK DEATH!

But if you look beneath the surface you’ll see the truth behind the Oil Spill. There is no doubt the Oil Spill does not like Obama and, like Rush Limbaugh, wants him to fail. Ask yourself, ‘Why is this?’ and the obvious answer is that the Oil Spill is not ready for a black man to lead this country. The Oil Spill is angry that the white people are out of power. Did you ever notice that he Oil Spill kills wildlife by covering them with oil? And what color is this oil? Black!

Racism Murderlized this Bird with the Black Oil Death!

It’s like the Oil Spill is saying that when things go black, they die. That black is an evil entity and when it coats things it kills them. The Oil Spill is the most obviously racist entity since the S.A.T. test. It’s two pronged attack says that Obama is weak and unable to control world events and that anything black kills the good of the world. Did you ever notice that the Oil Spill seems to always go after WHITE birds like the Pelican? How come the Oil Spill dominated Media never show you the Oil killing a BLACK bird?

INBRED IDIOTS

It’s only a matter of time before the Oil Spill shows its true colors and starts using the N word or starts spitting on Black Congressional leaders like Andre Carson. How long will it be before America wakes up and realizes that this Oil Spill stands for the darkest and worse aspects of the American character; religion, guns and white supremacy? When will the idiots who don’t live in New York, Boston, San Francisco and Minnesota realize that the Oil Spill is preventing us from evolving into a fully, socialist, I mean, modern and progressive society like those in France, Venezuela and Greece?

FEAR OF THE FUTURE!

I fear for the future of our country. Until the redneck, uneducated, unwashed, unenlightened and religious people in the fly over states stop watching FoxNews and see the Oil Spill for the enemy it really is, we will never create the utopia that my college professor assured me is possible.

The New MSNBC Game Show: BLAME BUSH!!

Iraqi Contestant 1: Bush had no justification to invade, he led us into a costly quagmire that bankrupted out country. Meanwhile Osama is still loose.

Iraqi Contestant 2: Dick Cheney sold them the uranium and built the reactors!

Afghanistan Contestant 2: Bush ignored Afghanistan as he was distracted by the Vietnam like quagmire in Iraq.

Announcer: Excellent. OK, Now the questions get harder.

How was George W. Bush responsible for The BP Oil Spill in the Gulf of Mexico?

Contestant 1: Bush was in bed with the oil industry so he could make his oil buddies rich. They cut corners and programmed the leak to occur 450 days after Obama took office.

Announcer: Oooh, close, but not enough.

Contestant 2: Bush OKed drilling in the gulf and falsified safety reports to make his oil buddies rich?


Announcer: No, it’s true that George Bush did want to make his oil buddies rich, but the Oil spill happened because he buried a nuclear bomb in the gulf and programmed it to exploded in 2010 hoping it would cause a tidal wave and finish off all of the black people who made it through Katrina. OK, let’s try again. How was Bush responsible for the Greek economic crisis?

Contestant 1: Bush forced them to host the Olympics in 2002 and caused a financial domino effect which may devalue the Europe and cause the collapse of the European Union.

Announcer: No.

Contestant 2: Bush created an unregulated financial market which encouraged over spending in Greece?

Announcer: No, I’m sorry. The answer is more simple. It’s that Bush pissed off the Greek God Apollo.


How did George Bush cause the Obesity epidemic in America?

Contestant 2: Bush secretly has the market cornered on high Fructose Corn Syrup which he forced into every American food product and which is slowly

Beep!

Conestant 2, any guess? No? I’m sorry the answer is People were so upset during the bush years they ate more to swallow their anger.

How did Bush create the decline in Educational standards?
Students saw how stupid Bush was and learned an idiot can succeed. Now they don’t want to study.

Correct.

How was George Bush responsible for the Earthquake in Haiti

Contestant 1: Bush ignored the scientific consensus of Global Warming that lead to atmospheric instabilities and destabilized the tectonic plates?

Announcer: No

Contesant 2: Bush has an earthquake machine.

Announcer: Well, Bush does have an earthquake machine, but he did not use it in Haiti.

The answer to how did George Bush cause the earthquake in Haiti is Voodoo.

Voodoo.

Obama is resorting to threats to pass health care.

Obama discusses Risks of not passing Healthcare Reform

In an interview with MSNBC President Obama discussed the possible grim repercussions of not passing his Healthcare bill.

What the American people don't understand is the gravity of our position.

If we don't pass Healthcare reform horrible things will happen to our country.

We need to reign in our health care costs so we can continue to wage our secret war on the aliens. Did I let that slip? Aw heck, the cat is out of the bag now. In all candor, the money we save on healthcare could be used to finance our war against the invading sucker-beast monsters from Outer Space. Now, I didn't want to bring this up because I didnt want to alarm the public, but if we dont pass healthcare soon, American could be taken over by aliens that eat children and puppies.

Also, if we dont have government run healthcare, we wont be able to secretly vaccinate people from the new super virulent strain of flesh eating squirrel flu. Unfortunately, 90% of the population has it. We didn't tell anyone because we didnt want to cause a panic. But the flesh eating squirrel flu exists and you all have it. Unless we get you the government sponsored vaccine you will all start dying eventually. Probably before 2012. Those who don't die right away will become homosexuals. Now, do you see why Gay Marriage is so important?

I've tried to play softball with you people but you just dont get it. We need gov't health care. If we don't get it Global Warming, children eating Sucker Beasts from Space and Flesh Eating, gay-making Squirrel flu will kill us all.

Call your congressional representative and tell him you want govt run healthcare. Call them now before your skin falls off, aliens invade and before you want to start dressing like Liberace and sleeping with Doogie Howser.

The 11 Rules of Obama

1) If you are against any of his policies you are a racist.

2) If there is a policy of Obama's that is failing, it's Bush's fault.

3) If Obama makes a mistake that cannot be attributed to Bush, it is a teaching moment.

4) All of the disreputable people he wants in government positions are to be Czars to avoid attention to their pasts.

5) Any problems he encounters should be able to be fixed with a really good speech. If that doesn't work, see rule #2.

6) The American people don't know what is good for them. They are to be ignored because after we force our policies through quickly they will eventually see that we were right or by then it will be too late.

7) Being nice to repressive foreign governments will make them like us and do what we want. If that doesn't work, see rule #5, if that fails, fall back on good old #2.

8) Most problems can be fixed with higher taxes. This includes Global Warming, sickness and disease and obesity and the Post Office.

9) The government cannot be too big or control too much of the citizen's life.

10) Capitalism and competition are not as good as government control. The only reason capitalism exists is to provide taxes for government control.

11) Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, uncontrolled Talk Radio and Foxnews are more of a threat to our country than Al Qaeda, terrorism, North Korea or Iran.

Obama's New 8 Hour School Day Schedule

08:00 Pledge of Allegiance to Cuban Flag

08:05 Prayer (to Obama)

08:10 Goose Stepping to the oldies

08:30 Listen to Streisand Tunes.

09:00 Fun with Uncle Mao and Brother Stalin!

10:00 Phys Ed, White kids pick cotton, everyone else whips them.

10:30 Sing 'Dear Leader' to picture of Obama,

11:00 Yoga and Yogurt

11:15 How Global Warming will help bring down Capitalism.

12:00 Lunch - The children are to steal White kids lunch money as wealth redistribution.

12:30 Europe and how they are better than us.

13:00 Eat Algae to reduce your Carbon Footprint.

13:30 Teaching Union workers to intimidate Americans

13:45 Save the Whales by killing Fisherman.

14:00 How to get ahead by blaming Bush

14:30 Religious book burning

14:45 White Guilt and it's benefits.

15:00 Daily Quiz - Minorities get a free 20 points for not being White.

15:15 Tax Evasion for beginners

15:30 Whining to Get Ahead

15:45 Why Freedom of speech is only for us.

16:00 Extra Credit - Watch Oprah.

Hey Obama! Leave those Kids Alone

Obama: Boys I wanna make a statement to the kids of America. I want to speak directly to them.

Communist Czar #1: Fine Mr. President, do you want us to set up a press conference?

Obama: No, that wont do. I need to get them where their parents wont hear what I have to say.

Communist Czar #2: OK, maybe we could go to the Cartoon Channel or Nickelodeon?

Obama: No, no, then I’d have to deal with those FCC regulations.

Communist Czar #1: Mr. President, you’re not going to swear or do anything obscene right?

Obama: Oh no, nothing like that. I just want them to hear my words in a friendly atmosphere. Someplace where there are as few thoughtful adults as possible.

Communist Czar #1: How about moveon.org?

Obama: No, still too risky. How about I broadcast a speech directly into the schools? That way, the only adults who would hear it are teachers. They like us, right?

Communist Czar #2: Oh yes, Mr. President.

Communist Czar #1: Almost as much as trial lawyers.

Obama: Cool. Let’s set it up.

Communist Czar #2: Mr. President, I’m a little concerned with the content of your message. What is the theme?

Obama: Well, I’ve tried to sell my healthcare to their parents for a few months now and as amazing as it seems, the old Obama magic doesn’t seem to be working on them. All of these angry people at the town hall meetings are killing me. The usual blame-it-on-Bush stuff isn’t working. Not even the CIA inquiry. I’m going to have to think outside of the box on this one,

Communist Czar #1: Don’t blame yourself sir, it’s a hard thing to sell.

Communist Czar #2: Yes, we couldn’t get it passed before the recess and now people have had time to read it.

Obama: Yeah, I knew that would be a problem. So I am going to talk directly to the kiddies.

Communist Czar #2: Do you really think they will have an influence in this debate.

Obama: Now, I just want to tell them about the town hall meetings.

Communist Czar #1: Do you expect them to show up and stage a youth oriented counter demonstration for healthcare?

Obama: No, I just want to ask them to hide their parents car keys. Or maybe lie about having a soccer meet or something like that.

Communist Czar #2: So you want them to try to prevent the parents from attending the town hall meeting?

Obama: Well, that and suggest that Santa Claus likes Socialism… I’m just brain storming here guys.

Communist Czar #1: I see the angle. How about we tell them there is a monster under their beds that will eat them if they don’t insist on socialized medicine?

Communist Czar #2: Don’t we have to worry about their teachers?

Obama: Are you kidding, they are all NEA. We could tell the kids to poison their parents and the teachers would go along. But let’s save that for when things get really desperate. Could we get endorsements from some of their favorite celebrities like Scooby Doo and the Power Puff girls.

Communist Czar #2: Those are cartoons sir.

Obama: I know, but maybe we can lean on them a little. Threaten them with audits. Maybe we can take Spongebob hostage?

Communist Czar #2: Sir, I think we need to be a little more subtle.

Communist Czar #1: OK, OK, how about we show them how well Socialized medicine is working in Cuba and France?

Obama: Excellent. Let’s have some animators create a cartoon character. A Hammer and a sickle named Marxie. Marxie shows us how the bourgeois is exploiting the proletariats through a medical system that provides disproportionate health care to the rich.

Communist Czar #2: Sir, that sounds a little too close to Communism.

Obama: Are you kidding, these kids don’t even know what that is. They are all born after 1989! That don’t even know what an 8 track is let alone a collectivist system of government devolving into an oligarchy.

Communist Czar #1: I say we go back to the poison idea.

Obama: Yeah, these people need universal healthcare. They need it no matter what the price. Even if I have to kill most of them to show them how important universal healthcare is. Let’s talk about poisons.

Communist Czar #2: Sir, most Americans have healthcare and 85% are satisfied with it.

Obama: But it is uneven healthcare. Some people have none and some people have too much. We have to spread it around. I’d rather 100% of the people have crappy healthcare than for most to have good healthcare. That’s equality. That is fairness. A classless society based upon equal access and equal suffering, regardless of race, wealth or influence.

Communist Czar #1: But we get to keep our health insurance right?

Obama: Of course, we’re no idiots. My plan is for stupid people. Fuck that shit. If I really believed this crap I wouldn’t be flying around in a helicopter, would I?

Communist Czar #2: Oh thank God.

Obama: Hey! Watch that God talk stuff in here! I can’t wait until we get this damn thing passed. Fucking Sarkozy and that English idiot have been busting my balls over it. (In a falsetto) Haw Haw, why don’t chu Ameericans have equal healthcare? You Americans are so stew peed! I’m tired of them acting so cool and bragging about all of the control they have over people because of the healthcare.

Communist Czar #2: Sir, that reminds me, Sarkozy wants us to make an appointment for him at John’s Hopkin’s to have a Cat Scan. He may have cancer and he doesn’t trust his doctors.

Obama's Delima with the passing of Ted Kennedy

1st Aide: Sir, we’ve just received word from Hyannisport than Sen Kennedy is on his last legs. He is not expected to make it through the night.

Obama: Say WHAT?!

2nd Aide: Unfortunately, it’s true sir. Our doctors have looked at the data and they confirm the prognosis.

Obama: Hey guys, I aint trying to hear that ok. Between these crazy old people in the town hall meetings and my approval numbers Kennedy dropping out on me now is unacceptable.

1st Aide: I know sir. We have had a rough August.

2nd Aide: I agree, but there is little we can do about this.

Obama: Look gentlemens, I need that fat bastard up and around. I need him to make one last triumphant entry into the Senate chamber to rouse enthusiasm for our Healthcare plan. You guys guaranteed me he’d last until November. OK, so I’m holding you to it.

2nd Aide: Sir, we all thought he would make it. It is disappointing.

1st Aide: Not even MSNBC can help us with this one. Unfortunately, the Senator is too sick to leave bed. He’s in a coma now.

Obama: Aw no. No no no no no. You guys are going to fix this.

1st Aide: Sir, he is currently bleeding from the mouth and convulsing. I have been told that he will not regain consciousness.

Obama: No, you punks are going to get me Kennedy. You are going to have him walk into the Senate chamber, give a thumbs up and then the sucker could die on the floor for all I care.

2nd Aide: That would be very dramatic. And it would be a fitting end for the Liberal Lion. Dying on the floor of the Senate.

1st Aide: Guys it’s much worse than that. The man is pretty much dead right now. It’s just a matter of time.

Obama: Wheel the son of a bitch in in a wheelchair. We could put sticks on his arms like they do with those muppets.

1st Aide: Sir, I acknowledge we really need Senator Kennedy right now. Even his appearance at the Senate would be a great symbol for our Healthcare take over bill. But the man can’t do it. Let’s just let him die in peace.

Obama: What about the Disneyland guys?

1st Aide: Sir?

Obama: Those animatronic guys. We could hire them to hook up some gizmos and have Kennedy walk around and such. Hell, I saw them do it to Lincoln in that thing in Orlando.

2nd Aide: You mean you want us to take the senator’s dead body and let engineers apply cybernetic devices that would enable the Senator to walk into the chamber?

Obama: And give the thumbs up. Hell they could even make him talk. They can use the same voice that that Stephen Hawkings guy uses. The black hole guy. Allah! Do I have to think of everythings with you people?!

1st Aide: Sir, let’s look at this from another angle. After he dies, you could deliver a rousing eulogy. You could use the Teleprompter to rally the troops.

2nd Aide: Yes, we could even name the bill after Senator Kennedy.

Obama: You want to call it Chappaquidick Care? Man, you guys are stupid! Get Disney on the phone! Unfreeze the main guy if you haves to. I want to have a Robo-Kennedy ready to go within 72 hours. Make it happen.

2nd Aide: Sir, there are other issues. For instance, his family and the doctors will know the truth. I don’t think we could guarantee their silence. Plus, dead bodies smell.

Obama: Just splash some Brut on him. Hell the old fart wore it all the time anyway.

1st Aide: Sir, I know our Healthcare control bill is having trouble, but I just cant see how parading a dead body into the Senate, splashing cologne on it and using it like a muppet to give a thumbs up is going to help stop the public from rejecting our bill.

Obama: BUSH!

2nd Aide: Sir?

Obama: Bush, motherfucka! You bastards used to work for Bush didn’t ya?

2nd Aide: What?

Obama: Say What again! Say what again! I dare you! I double dare you motherfucka! Say What one more time?

1st Aide: Sir, we have been your aides for the last 5 years. We never worked for the Bush family.

Obama: Does he look like a bitch?

2nd Aide: What?


Obama takes out a gun and shoots the 2nd aide.


Obama: Does George Bush look like a bitch!

1st aide: Oh no, not again. (Speaking into cell phone) yeah, he did it again. Please get the medics to the oval office. Sir, you are not Samuel L. Jackson.

Obama: Unless you get me a RoboKennedy I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger.

2nd Aide: That crazy idiot shot me!

1st Aide: Medics are on the way.

Obama: And you will know I AM OBAMA when I lay my vengeance upon THEE!

Eep, er... Keep Blaiming Whitey

You can only keep blaming whitey for so long.

They have had many generations now to correct a common cultural speech impediment, as well as other things that generally plague their demographic, like crime, teenage pregnancy, drug abuse, gangbanging, and so on. If you think that the white man is still deliberately keeping them down, forcing them to make really poor music about bitches and ho's and street life, coercing them into coming up with bizarre linguistic metaphors such as adding "-izzle" to every noun and replacing the "s" after every plural word with "z", and if you think that whitey is leaving them no choice but to give their daughters bizarre names like Shaquanda, Taniqua, LeTaQuisha, Lavitra and Cialis and God knows what else, then something is seriously, seriously wrong with you.

Granted, many blacks do make something of themselves, and do lead successful lives, and do contribute to society and to their country. Black History Month illustrates great examples of individuals who have done it. However, a large majority still live in squalor or on the government's check, and are still singing the same tune of "It's Whitey's Fault". Sooner or later people will see you for what you are, and you can only pass up opportunity after opportunity to become better before no one takes you seriously anymore. Some stereotypes exist for a reason, you know. The way to get rid of them isn't to play the "racist" card, but to do something about it to make sure that you don't fit the stereotype. Take responsibility for your problems and stop blaming them on others who really don't have anything to do with them.

Just because something is marketable doesn't make it a good thing, or make it right. It's a known fact that younger people are less experienced, more impressionable, and more naive than those who have been around longer and know more about what the world is really like. Cigarettes are very, very marketable, and what benefit do they serve? In what way do they help you or others around you? The problem is that people only selectively like to question the world around them. They have no problem criticizing and questioning every minute thing of those they dislike or disagree with, but will waste no time in defending and justifying themselves, and their own shortcomings. If the rap/hiphop genre had linguistic substance, if it benefited its listeners in some way, you probably wouldn't be hearing this argument from so many people. Rap, hip-hop, pop music, and most everything else you hear most prevalently on the radio, in movies, and in commercials are just that: commercial. They're based on market research, and created thus. Very little true creativity is involved, and where rap is concerned, certainly no true musical creativity. How many instruments does your average rapper play? Can he even read music? Most rap music sounds the same: a simple, annoyingly repetitive beat with off-key, off-beat, mostly unintelligible mumblings about the same things, over and over and over. Always about gangstas, guns, bitches, pimps, death, the street. Yeah, that's really wholesome stuff you're pumping into people's heads there, what a great way to improve quality of life and help get rid of the very same things these people make millions "singing" about. But then, to question popular culture is to be branded a racist/bigot/every other usual insult in the PC book.

History was Made Today (1/20/09)

Today is the day Obama was sworn in and today was the day Democrats asked us to join together and set aside partisan differences.

Today was the day President Bush was booed as he arrived at the inauguration.

Today was when at the Benediction at Obama's inauguration,
the Rev. Joseph Lowery said the following:

'Lord, in the memory of all the saints who from their labors rest, and in the joy of a new beginning, we ask you to help us work for that day when black will not be asked to get in back, when brown can stick around... when the red man can get ahead, man; and when white will embrace what is right. That all those who do justice and love mercy say Amen. Say Amen'...

"Yes, please join us, please stop fighting our wishes. Join us in tolerant coexistence. But know that we hate you, we hate what you stand for and all White people have to stop doing what is wrong and do what is right".

For years, Democrats have done everything to savage our President and his supporters. They manipulated media stories, they mocked us on every late night talk show. They made fools, undeserving, of our leaders. The mocked us for believing in God. They made full length feature films deriding us and the Liberal critics hailed them as genius, granting them Oscars, Emmys and Nobel prizes. And now, a majority of people think America is bad.

They rewrote history so that it fit their world view. They misinformed a generation of college students. They worshiped anyone who wasnt White and blamed White people for anything they deemed lacking in quality. The gave preferential treatment to some based upon race and discriminated against others based upon race.

They always pretended to be absolutely sure of their ideals, even when it was impossible to determine their validity, saying, "There is no God" and slandering those who dared to disagree. How could they even pretend to know?

But now they tell us, now that their guy is in charge, now is the time for us Republicans and Conservatives to give up and admit we were wrong; White must embrace what is right. As if we never did this before.

Well we are not wrong. Our views, our beliefs have meaning and value. We will not stand by and let the Democrats try to force the world to fit their preconceived ideals. We will not go along. We will not help them.

Screw you Obama. I couldn't care if you were Black, Red, White or Zebra Striped. I'm not going along with anything you say unless it passes the test of my ideals. I will not give you a free ride on anything. You are a Black man, big deal. I'm not going to agree to anything because you are Black. I'm not going to agree to anything unless it makes sense. I will not jump on the Bandwagon no matter how well written your speeches are. I will only support you when I agree with you and when I feel it is the best for the country.

In the meantime, I intend to give your Presidency the exact same amount of respect your people gave my President.

Welcome to the White House, now get to work.

Drill Baby Drill

How Democrats and Liberals can block drilling for oil in our own country is beyond me.

It’s almost as if they are being paid by OPEC.

It’s almost as if they want us to continue to pay more money for gas.

It’s as if they want to hurt our economy and take more of our money.

It’s as if they want us to rely on terrorist regimes.

It’s as if they want us to keep making these regimes richer and more powerful.


Nancy Pelosi said she will not allow drilling because Bush’s energy policy was a failure, but the no off shore drilling ban has been in place for decades.

The Artic National Wildlife Refuge is 2000 acres, an area smaller than the Atlanta airport and we are not allowed to get our own oil out of the ground because it may upset the breeding grounds of several animals. So it is more important for Caribou to have a place to get laid than it is for us to be more energy independent.

They point out that it will take years before the oil hits the market. This is what President Clinton said in 1995. If he had allowed the oil drilling back then, we would have had the oil years ago.

Yes, oil is dirty and ideally we would like a feasible, cleaner energy source, but until viable alternate energy sources are found we are stuck with using oil.

Democrats, you were wrong about drilling and you must admit it. The stakes are too high for you to be proud. Bush was wrong about Weapons of Mass Destruction in Iraq, you guys have no trouble reminding him.

Now, we are reminding you about your failed policy and you must admit your error and move on. Just like you were wrong about 30 years of Welfare.

We have oil in this country. You are not allowing us to claim it. Your hubris is now endangering our safety.

In spite of the bad economy, in spite of slow progress in Iraq, in spite of the Media campaign against Republicans and in spite of the Media’s ridiculous, laughably obvious bias for Obama I am still voting Republican this year.

I believe the Republicans truly want what is best for this country on most issues. I cannot say the same for Democrats. They are blinded by their beliefs and will not acknowledge any information which challenges or even disproves their world view. They are living in a fantasy land.

HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR 2029

Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia

White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia's third language

Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock

Baby conceived naturally! Scientists stumped

Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage

Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years for radioactivity to decrease to safe levels

France pleads for global help after being invaded by Jamaica. No other countries come forward to help

Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking

George Z Bush says he will run for President in 2036

Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only

85-year $75.8 billion study: Diet and exercise are the keys to weight loss

Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.

Global cooling blamed for citrus crop failure for third consecutive year in Mexifornia and Floruba

Free abortion clinics now available in every High School in United States

Senate still blocking drilling in ANWR even though regular gas is selling for 4532 pesos per liter and filling stations are open only on Tuesdays and Fridays

Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative

Supreme Court rules punishment of convicted criminals violates their civil rights

Average height of NBA players is now nine feet, seven inches

New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2030

IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent

Floruba voters still having trouble with voting machines

First Evening Under New Democrat Rule

7:00 P.M. Opening flag burning.
7:15 P.M. Pledge of Allegiance to the United Nations.

7:30 PM. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.

7:30 till 8:00 P.M. Nonreligious prayer and worship: Jessie Jackson and Al Sharpton.

8:00 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.

8:05 P.M Ceremonial tree hugging.
8:15- 8:30 P.M. Gay Wedding: Barney Frank, presiding.

8:30 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.

8:35 P.M. Free Saddam Rally: Cindy Sheehan, Susan Sarandon.
9:00 P.M. Keynote speech: "The Proper Etiquette for Surrender",French President Jacques Chirac.

9:15 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.

9:20 P.M. Collection to benefit Osama Bin Laden Kidney Transplant Fund.
9:30 P.M. Unveiling of plan to free freedom fighters from Guantanamo Bay: Sean Penn.
9:40 P.M. Why I hate the Military: A short talk by William Jefferson Clinton.

9:45 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.

9:50 P.M. Dan Rather receives "Truth in Broadcasting" award, presented by Michael Moore.

9:55 P.M., Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.

10:00 P.M. Presentation: "How George Bush and Donald Rumsfeld brought down the World Trade Center Towers", by Howard Dean.
10:30 P.M. Nomination of Hillary Rodham Clinton for President by Mahmud Ahnadinejad.

11:00 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.

11:05 P.M. Al Gore reinvents the Internet.
11:15 P.M. "Our Troops are War Criminals", presented by John Kerry.
11:30 P.M Coronation of Mrs. Hillary Rodham Clinton.

12:00 AM. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.

12:05 A.M Bill asks Ted to drive Hillary home.

Me and my Homies

Dis is me and my homies
And dis is how we rides
Me in shades, looking Ghetto
Surrounded by tough squinty eyes

We’re crazy Loc Koreans
Aint no other Asians badder
And not having any food for 4 years
Has only made us Madder

I’m the absolute leader of North Korea
And my citizens think I’m holy
Now that we blew up a nuclear Bomb
The American Media will HAVE to forget about Mark Foley!

I’ll bitchslap Japan, I’ll jack South Korea
I’ll hit Thailand so hard
She’ll sneeze diahhrea

So listen up Ya’ll and hear what I’m saying
Cause my hungry crazy ass aint even playing
I want McDoanlds, Taco Bell, Burger Kings and no hassle
I’ll take Denny’s and Arbys and even a sh!tty White Castle

You all are gonna be in a whole lot of trouble
Unless I gets my Big Macs delivered here on the double
I want crumb cakes and peanuts and Hostess Ho Hos
Build me a 500 galloon maple syrup tank and I’ll suck it all through a hose

People aint thinking I’m Lincoln
when there aint no water to be drinking
People aint kissing my ass
when they’re forced to eat grass

So listen up bitches, you didn’t figure
On this crazy ass asian nigga
with his finga on da trigga

Send us some food or send a whole diner
Or we’ll do a driveby on Seoul, Tokyo or China!

Ignorant Intruders

Pico look up message from past leader, Pico find following:

"In the first place, we should insist that if the immigrant who comes here in good faith becomes an American and assimilates himself to us, He shall be treated on an exact equality with everyone else, for it is an outrage to discriminate against any such man because of creed, or birthplace, or origin. But this is predicated upon the person's Becoming in every facet an American, and nothing but an American...There can be no divided allegiance here. Any man who says he is an American, but something else also, isn't an American at all. We have room for but one flag, the American flag... We have room for but one language here, and that is the English language ... and we have room for but one sole loyalty and that is a loyalty to the American people."


Theodore Roosevelt 1907

Three More Die in Cartoon Protests!

The Story:
Muslim protests against cartoons depicting the Prophet Mohammad claimed three more lives on Wednesday when Afghan police fired at a crowd trying to storm a U.S. military base. - Source

What other cartoons may make the Muslim Extremist protest?

Let's take a look

• The Terrorists are protesting against Bug Bunny when he dresses up like a woman, "He's not a real woman, he's merely a man pretending to be woman and his contant trickery of the duck is a crime against all that is holy!!



• The Terrorists are protesting against Stone Age men who allow their women to walk about without making them wear at least a piece of shale to cover their face is an insult to their people and their religion.



• The Terrorists are all up in arms that Jane should have been sacrificing her expendable life to stop that crazy thing!



• The Terrorists are P.O'd that in over 1000 SuperFriends episodes, The lazy Wonder Twins never adapted to the powers of a goat.



• 10,000 Terrorists Agree, Hadji needs more face time in Johnny Quest!



• Terrorists threaten to kidnap Barbara Walters and muss up her makeup unless the three girls in Josie and the pussycats wear more clothing.



• Terrorists demand that Lucy finally let Charlie brown kick the football.



• Terrorists are extremely upset with the Roadrunner and ACME Corporation, demand restitution for coyote.



• Terrorists demand that Barney Rubble gets his own spin-off show. Maybe a variety show like Sonny and Cher. In a worst case he at least gets to host Letterman.



• The terrorists are trying to recruit Quick Draw McGraw to take the place of the #2 man.



• Finally, 100,000 Terrorists agree, American cartoons need more camels.

Democrats Dis Bush at Some Ladys Funeral

Democrats and Angry Black Leaders froth at mouth and trip over one another to Dis Bush at somebody's funeral

Democrat officials and Angry Black Non elected leaders both got a much needed boost yesterday when they found that George W. Bush had wandered into the very same funeral they were attending.

Rev. Joseph Lowery started the impromptu roast during a eulogy for some dead lady. He made comments about the President failing to find weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. Rev. Lowry also berated First Lady Laura Bush for "coming to a funeral looking all fat and dumpy." This accusation made the heavily Democratic audience rise to its feet in applause for almost 2 minutes.

Ex President Carter also made several pointed remarks toward President Bush during his eulogy. "I believe that this dead lady who was married to someone famous would still be here if George Bush was not the President. In fact, I believe that George Bush is responsible for her death. He probably killed her in the kitchen with the candle stick!" With this comment, a large percentage of the audience began to visibly foam at the mouth and emit low moans.

Not to be outdone, Rev. Joseph Lower returned to the stage and said that Hurricane Katrina was a "Negro Seeking Hurricane created in the Gulf of Mexico by the CIA and released to decimate the nearest Chocolate city!"

Al Gore tried to stay focused on the funeral but he couldn’t resist the temptation to slam the President. The Tsunami, Global Warming, Hurricane Katrina, Hurricane Rita, the Dead Coal Miners, the Indianapolis Colts loss in the playoffs to Pittsburgh because of that weird botched field goal were all caused by this man! Because of him, I don't have a job anymore. Now, I sit at home and watch Jerry Springer. It's because of George Bush that I've become addicted to Cheetos and internet porn!

Bill Clinton was philosophical about the anti bush comments. "In a way, it's a form of flattery. Right now, George Bush is the most important person in the Democratic Party. Our entire platform is being opposite of whatever George Bush wants. If he's pro war, we're anti war. It's he's pro reform, we're anti reform. If he likes Diet Coke, we like Diet Pepsi. If he doesn't sleep with Presidential interns, we go out and sleep with... Hahaha! just kidding! But beating on George Bush is the one thing all members of the Democratic party agree on. It brings us together. I feel for the Democratic party the day we no longer have Bush to kick around." Clinton then bit his lower lip and left the stage.

Senator Kennedy Bashes President Bush for Outsourcing Torture.

Senator Kennedy took to the Senate floor and unleashed a blistering speech accusing the Bush Administration of sending American jobs overseas by outsourcing the torturing of foreign terrorists.

“It has become obvious to me that this Republican administration does not care about American jobs. “ Why are we sending our captured terrorists to be tortured to India or Mexico when they could be torutred by Americans? We need to keep American jobs in America.”

White House spokesman, Scott McClellen explained the Bush administrations reasons for outsourcing torture. “it’s a simple matter of economics. Having Indians and Mexicans torture terrorists just makes good economic sense. These people work much cheaper than American torturers and their countries have a long and distinguished background in political torturing.

When asked if he thought foreign torturers were as good as American torturers he responded, “They are in the same league. But the fact of the matter is you can get an Indian torturer to work much more cheaply. This is partially because of the economies of scale the fact that American torturers must be in a union. Foreign torturers work more cheaply. They do not require Health insurance or pension plans. We did an cost analysis pitting American torturers versus the torturers from other countries. It costs the United States over 15, 000 dollars per suspect when you use American labor. In India, it costs 3 biscuits and a quart of dirty drinking water. You just can’t fight those numbers. Mexican torturers work just as cheaply, plus they can pick celery during the off-season.”

Senator Kennedy did not accept this reasoning. “Every day, I see Americans out of work and I wonder to myself, how many of those people have been trained by our government to torture people? Why can’t we give our American torturers the chance that they deserve? This country was built upon the sweat of American torturers and I do not want to see this fine tradition end just so George Bush can save a few dollars when he electrocutes an Arab.”

Scott McClellan is philosophical about the change. “People like Senator Kennedy can’t have it both ways. They want us to keep the country safe and yet they want us to reduce the deficit and be more aware of government spending. I’d love to give the torturing responsibilities back to American workers, but we stand to save millions by having our Mexican and Hindu allies beat the truth out of terrorists.”

Thank God the West Wing is over!

Thank God that the reign of Terror from that putrid, Pinko, Limousine Liberal, brainwashing balderdash that was The West Wing is now finished! I haven’t felt such relief since they caught Son of Sam.


The truth is, as much as I hate idiots like Michael Moore and Al Sharpton, the damage they do is minimal. Besides, they are such obvious hucksters they serve as great punch lines. We all love to make fun of them. But the damage a show like West Wing does is FAR worse than anything Barbra or Alec could ever do. Not even Jimmy Carter with a head full of Ritalin could do this much damage.

The horrible damage caused by The West Wing was how it portrays the world. The world of West Wing is the world of Left wing idealists. It is a world where most Americans are victims who need to be coddled. It’s a world where foreign governments act rationally and most of the worlds ills can be solved by more American Foreign Aid. It’s a world where anyone not on the East Coast or West Coast is a white trash dullard who cares more about The Dukes of Hazzard than the moralistic imperative of Gay Marriage.


Television is a funny thing. If you run a TV series where the husband and wife sleep in separate beds, pretty soon, Americans start thinking that is the norm. TV plays a huge role in shaping and defining modern culture. The West Wing was created to portray Democratic leaders as intellectual Supermen, as sensitive as grief councilors and as morally just as the Knights of Camelot. Republican politicians are portrayed as sniveling, racist, rich and uncaring White Men. It is so obvious that it has a cartoonish quality. If the writers thought they could get away with having the Democrats wear white cowboy hats and the Republicans wear Black cowboys hats, you can bet your ACLU card they would have.


The West Wing was a thinly veiled attempt to influence public opinion that the ideals of the Democrats were more sound than those of the Republicans. They created a world which was meant to closely resemble today’s political atmosphere, except in the stilted, biased view of the writers, the Democrats almost always won. And their lofty ideals always triumphed. It is a 21st century version of Popeye beating up Buck Toothed and slanty eyed Japs in World War II cartoons. It is trying to influence how you think about world events. In a way, it is 21st Century propaganda. Now, the Arts have been trying to influence politics for generations from Thomas Paine’s ‘Common Sense’ to Erasumus’ In Praise of Folly;

But the difference here is that the writers of West Wing are infringing on traditionally non political turf. We expect to try to be influenced when we read a newspaper or magazine. We accept that certain media trying to persuade us to adopt their point of view. Would anyone deny The New York Times is Liberal? Would anyone deny that FoxNews is more conservative than CNN?


The West Wing is using Entertainment to influence public opinion and to push its watchers to a certain political point of view.


“Well, you know, I have a luxury that news outlets don't. I can tell stories, and it's more difficult for them to tell a story.” “A news organization has a much different responsibility. I might not be telling you the whole story. I might not be telling you a story in a manner that is properly sophisticated. “ - Aaron Sorkin, mushroom eating Political Genius, equating his fiction with the realities of newsgathering.

My big problem with the West Wing is that television writers, drunk with the power of TVs ability to influence and teach, are putting themselves in the position of elected officials and investigative reporters. Political figures make big decisions and have to live with the consequences of their actions. Reporters have to provide evidence to back up their claims. The politicians of the West Wing do not have these real world encumberments.

They believe their entertaining stories and biased little teleplays can enlighten you to their way of thinking and thereby solve all of America’s problems. It’s as if the dolts of America can’t be relied upon to accept their progressive and intellectually sound ideals so we have to spoon feed them a story to get them to come around.

What arrogance! There are times I have quite an ego, but never in my life have I thought I had the only, best and most truly righteous solution to a problem. The writers of West Wing attack create story lines that closely recreate current American politics and then they solve these problems, effortlessly, and with no negative repercussions, by using their tried and true Democratic ideals. It’s the smug certainty of these writers and their self assured zeal that baffles me. Is anyone so frequently correct in their thinking that they can strut around with such smugness? Even FDR and yes, even Reagan made mistakes. How anyone could be so certain about anything in politics is unfathomable. The best and brightest football handicappers are only right about 70% of the time, and politics is much more complex than football. Unfortunately.

The West Wing was a network supported weekly 60 minute love letter for the Democratic party. It was almost as bad as NPR, except NPR is actually TAX PAYER financed Leftist propaganda and the West Wing was for free. Thank God this show was cancelled. Now, if only Commander in Chief, you know, the This-is-what-would-happen-if-you-elected-that-Democratic-Messiah-known-as-Hilary-Clinton” TV show were cancelled too! - Eep Eep!

Democratic Strategy Session for 1/4/06

Pico hide at Democratic headquarters, hear discussions today.. this what they say.. eeep eep..

The Mineshaft Tragedy of West Virginia:
How Can We Blame This on President Bush?

Moderator: Good evening and welcome to this weeks edition of Democrat Political Discussion. Tonights focus will be on the horrible mining accident in West Virginia which has claimed the lives of 12 people. What we will discuss is how we know it was somehow caused by the Bush Administration or what I refer to as, the ‘Black Plague Administration’.


Rather: I’ve always liked that one.

Alec: Yes, it’s appropriate. The Black Plague wiped out 75 million people during the Middle Ages. Bush is doing that during these ages.

Moderator: Well put, Alec. So we know the story. There were 13 miners trapped underground. We found out one of them had died, but then, family members were told that the remaining 12 were found alive. As it turns out, this was a tragic miscommunication and only one miner had survived. So I put it to our panelists. We all know Bush is behind this. So the question is How? How did Bush cause the mining accident? Let’s start off with rabid Bush Hater producer of the historic and falsified Bush National Guard records, Mary Mapes.

Mapes: This is an easy one. Bush caused this by his reckless energy policy. Our instatiable energy needs plus our overdependence on fossil fuels like coal forced these men down into the mining shafts. It was only a matter of time before this happened. In fact, I have this document which shows Bush was directly involved…

Moderator: Thank you, Mary. Please hold off on any documents for now, OK? How about Democrtaic Political Discussion regular Alec Baldwin. Alec, how did George W. Bush cause this tragedy to happen.


Alec: Well, I believe Bush was intimately involved with several parts of this tragedy. Firstly, Mary is right, his energy policy is forcing men to mine coal. But I also believe he made a phony phone call to the Mine Forman telling them all of the miners were safe.

Moderator: That seems especially cruel. Why would he do that?

Alec: Because West Virginia is a Blue State and he wants to embarrass the democratics in charge. Just like he did with the Democrat governor of New Orleans.

Moderator: You mean, Lousianna?

Alec: Yes. Bush caused the problem and then gets in the way to make the democrats look foolish and ineffective.

Moderator: Wait a minute, Alec. West Virginia is a Red state. They voted for Bush.

Alec: Shut up, you racist! So, are you working for the Bush Family now? How much are they paying you? I’ll bet they’re paying you in coal!

Moderator: Well get Back to Alec in a minute. Dan Rather, you’ve been an under-the-radar Bush critic for years now.

Rather: That’s not necessarily true. I mean, it’s not obviously truth, is it? I’m just a simple man from Texas who wants fiscal responsibility, clean water and strong military. I don’t hate George W. Bush anymore than I hate, say Hitler or King Kong.

Moderator: Fair enough. But how do you think Bush caused this mineshaft tragedy.

Rather: Firstly, let’s not call it a mineshaft tragedy, as it may offend gay men. Let’s call it Bush Coal Collapse 2006. Secondly, I think it’s fairly certain that Bush had Dick Chaney placed TNT at strategic places in the mine. Then, he himself pushed the Acme dynamite plunger, like a New Age Coyote bent on destroying more than just Road Runners.

Moderator: But why would Bush do this?

Rather: To divert attention from his legal woes and the faltering war in Iraq. Bill Clinton did something similar during MonicaGate.

Alec: STOP!

Barbra: Oh My God!

Mapes: No! No, My EARS!

Moderator: Stop! Mr. Rather, you have a distinguished career as a Bush Hater, that no one can deny. But you have violated one of the most sacred rules here on Democrat Political Discussion. You have said a non positive thing abouty Bill Clinton!

Barbra: And you mentioned him in the same sentence as Bush! Whattayou? The Anti Christ.

Moderator: Barbera, please refrain from an references to God.

Barbra: Oh, sorry. He just made me lose it there.

Moderator: How about you, Barbra. You’ve always been a vocal Bush Critic. How did Bush cause this tragedy to occur?

Barbra: Before I make a comment, I have to clean the air and purify the chakras which were polluted when Dan Rather made a questionable remark about Bill Clinton. Please excuse for for a second.

(BARBRA STANDS UP, CLASPS HER HANDS TOGETHER AND STARTS CHANTING)

Mmmmm. Bill Clinton….. Mmmmm… Clinton…. Mmmmm Bill Clinton….. Mmmm Clean Clinton… Mmmmm…..

(SHE SITS DOWN)

Barbra: Ok. Bush… (GETTING ANGRIER) Bush!!! Bush!!!

(STARTS HYPERVENTILATING)

Moderator: Calm down, Barbra. We don’t want you having another fit. Why not inhale from your puffer?

(INAHLES, TAKES A DEEP BREATH AND RELAXES SLOWLY)

Barbra: Ok. Bush did this because it was an evil thing and that’s all Bush can do. If Bush had his way, all of the miners would have been killed. And they would have been killed senselessly, fighting in this war for oil. You know, maybe they did die in Iraq and Bush created this whole media event to hide their bodies. Maybe he is looking for ways to hide the great number of people dying in Iraq.

Alec: That’s Brilliant! You mean, these 13 men were soldiers who died fighting the heroic Iraqi Freedom Fighters and then he had them flown to the mine and then Dick Chaney blew it up.

Rather: Yes! That would be a great way for him to make it look like no one is dying from this horrible war.

Barbra: I’ll bet right now, he’s taking dead soldiers, dressing them up as civilians and placing them into car accidents. That way, no one would know how many hundreds of thousands of soldiers are dying!

Moderator: Hold on a minute. Most of the dead miners were too old to be in the military.

Barbra: That’s what they want us to believe. Christ man, can’t you see it?

Alec: They have gotten to you too, haven’t they? You friggin Homophobe!

Moderator: Homophobe?! We’re not even talking about gay men here.

Mapes: And that’s they way you like it, too. Isn’t it, you Gay Hating, SUV driving, Ralph Nader supporter!

Pico hide well to listen but make eep eep sound, almost get caught, Pico had to run aways... eep eep